MAIN » ARTICLESThe Forgotten Life of Johnny Leversham
Beep, beep, beep went Johnny’s alarm, beep, beep, beep it rang on. The noise was enough to wake a sleeping herd of elephants and yet Johnny did not stir. He was a tall lean boy, with long ginger hair. His room was second on the left at the end of the corridor. As in any 13 year old boy’s room, underwear reigned as king of the floor and acted as a second carpet under Johnny’s size nine feet. He was awake now and had managed to break his alarm clock by knocking it on to the floor.
Seconds later he sprinted down the stairs. Dressed now, he was ready for his paper round. Johnny was proud of his paper round, it was the biggest and most well paid in the shop. Now at the back gate he jumped on his bike and zoomed off at a speed so fast he could have out run a car. He skidded into the shop’s driveway and crashed into the wall as per usual. The wall was quite tattered now after all the years of bashing by Johnny but he didn’t care unlike Mr Punjab the shopkeeper.
Mr Punjab was a fat old Asian man who had worked in the shop all his life like his father before him. His shop was humble with the sign above the door “Punjab’s Newsagents”. As quick as Johnny was in, he was out again and back on the open road. He gave Mr Punjab a wave and was gone. His large bag of papers was heavy on his shoulder but it did not stunt his speed. As per usual he dropped Mrs Hugh’s paper in a puddle because of the hole in his bag. He cursed at the puddle and gave the paper a rub on his shirt. He quickly shoved the paper through Mrs Hugh’s letter box and sped off. He heard her cries and gave a laugh, he loved his job.
He got home, gave the dog, Peanut a stroke as per usual and as per usual his mum said “Oi, where’s your hat?” And then Johnny realised that once again he had left his hat on Mrs Hugh’s fencepost and she was bound to nick it from him. He used his not so brilliant excuses to fool his mum and then ran upstairs. Johnny entered his room and sat on his bed. His half naked Dad, Dave looked in. Dave was even taller than Johnny and had a large Mexican like moustache. He said “Cold out?” Johnny replied suspiciously in his high squeaky voice “No, why?” It was obvious to Johnny that his father was not asking out of interest but because he wanted to know if he should wear a jumper or not. Dave replied “No reason” Johnny laughed to himself because really it was freezing outside. He had his large bowl of Frosties and got ready for school. He went to the Bromley School for socially deprived children. Johnny was far from socially deprived in fact the school’s name had no attachment to any of the pupils or teachers really. It was an old school with a bad reputation but the head teacher Mr Tallywacker was not effected by this and he still thought he was the best teacher in the world. Johnny’s teacher Mrs Soremouth, was a huge woman whose body if harvested could feed a third world country. It was surprising she could fit into her robin reliant without falling over.
Johnny arrived at school and saw the gang, Peter, who was the brainiest of the group, Ronald who was far from the brainiest of the group, Billy who was Johnny’s best friend and Blitzer who was huge for his age and was captain of the school rugby team. They all said “Hi Johnny” like a choir from a cat’s belly. Johnny zoomed past them, he was going for the jump. Ronald shouted “Look” and the whole playground was focused on Johnny. He went up the plank on the back of the builder’s lorry and for a few seconds he flew until he hit the bike shed’s roof. He slid off the roof and in the next few seconds found himself outside Mr Tallywacker’s office. He sat silent and marvelled at his wounds. He had been attempting the jump for the past month ever since the builders arrived. Mr Tallywacker called him in and gave him the usual.
Johnny entered his classroom and everyone gave a cheer and were then hushed down by Soremouth. He sat down in his place next to Billy and they chatted of the day’s events so far. Johnny had Geography for his first lesson. His teacher was Mr Ironfist who you don’t want to get on the wrong side of. He hated Johnny and he always had, and Johnny knew it. Ironfist entered the room and a huge silence arose from the depths of what was once noise. Johnny did not dare look at him, but he still got sent out for moving his feet too loudly.
It was break time and Johnny had recovered from the humiliation of the last lesson. He was planning. He planned a lot. He was cooking up the biggest and most destructive scheme that he had ever brewed. The plan was to blow up the science block. This did seem a bit out of reach but Johnny had science last lesson and they were using chemicals. His plan was to mix some chemicals up and set them on fire and see what happens. He planned with the rest of the gang. Peter said it would not work but Johnny didn’t care. Then she came in, Jasmine the prettiest and most sort after girl in all the school. She walked in and kind of floated to her desk where she set down her perfectly shaped buttocks. Johnny had the biggest crush on her for ever since he could remember and any chance he got he would speak to her but his words always got muddled. He was drawn over to her by her almighty presence and after a long pause he said “Hey Jasmine” she ignored him on purpose. He tried again and offered her some of his lunch “Hey Jasmine do you want a bit of my gherkin,” She turned to him in time and said “Pardon John”. He said “Bite me gherkin Jasmine, please” then he realised what he was saying. He quickly tried to recover “Err, I mean you have a very nice pair of....” He glanced at her art project which was a painting of a bowl of fruit “nice pair of melons” He smiled in delight at his triumph and she gave him a slap round the face.
Johnny recovered and found himself in French. He liked French not because of the language he couldn’t speak a word but that his teacher Mr Dimbleby always fell asleep. Johnny set out his plans for the science lesson in the centre of the gang’s table. He used pencils and rubbers as little people and showed what would happen. Blitzer would bash a fire alarm half way through the lesson when all the chemicals were out. The school would evacuate which would make way for Ronald to distract the teacher Mrs Holloway so Johnny and Billy could make the explosion. Peter gave them the formula for a substance that may explode with the chemicals they will have to use. It was set. The bell went and the lunch time madness took hold.
The gang did not speak of the plan a lunch because of spies. The spies were kids that worked for the teachers for extra privileges and you never knew who to trust. Jasmine floated into the room again. Johnny spotted her and tried to impress her with his hairy legs. He got his slap and went outside. “What am I doing wrong Billy”. Johnny said, Billy who was a notorious womaniser said, “You have to treat them with respect”. Johnny pondered this thought for a minute and then Jasmine naked took over his brain once again. He went back in the room with a new sense of direction. He was going to ask her out. He slid into the room like a snake so he would not be seen. He popped up right in front of her face so he was so close she could feel his breath on her face, which was his first problem. She gave a look of disgust and, a piece of chewing gum. With his new sense of minty freshness he said, “Jasmine I like your, I mean, I like you.” She said, “I know.” He mustered up all his courage and said it, “will you go all the way with me?” she gave him a slap and he said “no, no Jasmine will you go out with me?” She gave a giggle and said, “Maybe”. Johnny was now on top of the world and from that moment till five minutes later he was a new man.
Science, the lesson had begun and Blitzer had gone to the toilet to set off the alarm. The alarm sounded, it was like the blitz. Johnny and Billy dived under the table. The other Pupils filed out and Ronald made a distraction by gracefully throwing himself into a bookshelf. The two boys got the chemicals they needed and followed Peter’s instructions. They had to get out onto the field in time to be registered so they would not be caught. They heated the mixture and ran. Johnny was a fast runner but Billy was slow so Johnny carried him. They ran down the field from behind so they would not be seen and got in line. Mrs Soremouth barged her way through the crowds and took the register. Peter counted down 3,2,1 and BOOM a huge gas cloud arose from the Science block. Johnny looked in amazement at his work. The gang would go down in the history of the school as the boys who blew up the science block. But is was not to be. Later the boys looked on at the science block in prefect condition apart from a few smashed windows and being a bit gassed out. Johnny could not believe it. He was quite devastated for a while but then moved on five minutes later and started brewing a new plan.
He went to get his coat and found himself trapped between the lockers and Jasmine. She looked into his eyes and kissed him. It was a good hard intense kiss and Johnny enjoyed it immensely. She stopped and said “7:30 at Punjab’s,” Johnny didn’t argue. He was now in heaven. His first kiss and it was with the love of his life. He floated out of school and all the way home.
He entered his house and said “Hello mother dearest, how are you?” His mother fainted on fell on the sofa. Johnny ran upstairs and started to get ready. It was only 4:30 and Johnny was changed and smelled like Dave which was probably because he was wearing his aftershave. A half naked Dave looked through the door and said “What you doing boy?” Johnny ignored him so Dave retreated back to his room. 7:30 arrived and there was no sign of Jasmine. Johnny waited outside Punjab’s shop for three hours with his flowers in hand. She never turned up. Johnny went to the field and lay down on his favourite hill. He looked at the sky and the stars that twinkled down at him and he began to cry. Johnny was not one for crying but he couldn’t help it. He went home and got ready for bed. He lay there thinking and slowly dropped off into a deep sleep. Beep, beep, beep went Johnny's alarm but he was not there he had already gone. And like the wind he rode, he dodged the wall outside the shop. He gave Mrs Hugh’s a good morning and a nice clean and dry paper. He took his hat off her fence post and rode off into the distance.
Article Written by Jameson
jugsy_the_bugsy@hotmail.com
Seconds later he sprinted down the stairs. Dressed now, he was ready for his paper round. Johnny was proud of his paper round, it was the biggest and most well paid in the shop. Now at the back gate he jumped on his bike and zoomed off at a speed so fast he could have out run a car. He skidded into the shop’s driveway and crashed into the wall as per usual. The wall was quite tattered now after all the years of bashing by Johnny but he didn’t care unlike Mr Punjab the shopkeeper.
Mr Punjab was a fat old Asian man who had worked in the shop all his life like his father before him. His shop was humble with the sign above the door “Punjab’s Newsagents”. As quick as Johnny was in, he was out again and back on the open road. He gave Mr Punjab a wave and was gone. His large bag of papers was heavy on his shoulder but it did not stunt his speed. As per usual he dropped Mrs Hugh’s paper in a puddle because of the hole in his bag. He cursed at the puddle and gave the paper a rub on his shirt. He quickly shoved the paper through Mrs Hugh’s letter box and sped off. He heard her cries and gave a laugh, he loved his job.
He got home, gave the dog, Peanut a stroke as per usual and as per usual his mum said “Oi, where’s your hat?” And then Johnny realised that once again he had left his hat on Mrs Hugh’s fencepost and she was bound to nick it from him. He used his not so brilliant excuses to fool his mum and then ran upstairs. Johnny entered his room and sat on his bed. His half naked Dad, Dave looked in. Dave was even taller than Johnny and had a large Mexican like moustache. He said “Cold out?” Johnny replied suspiciously in his high squeaky voice “No, why?” It was obvious to Johnny that his father was not asking out of interest but because he wanted to know if he should wear a jumper or not. Dave replied “No reason” Johnny laughed to himself because really it was freezing outside. He had his large bowl of Frosties and got ready for school. He went to the Bromley School for socially deprived children. Johnny was far from socially deprived in fact the school’s name had no attachment to any of the pupils or teachers really. It was an old school with a bad reputation but the head teacher Mr Tallywacker was not effected by this and he still thought he was the best teacher in the world. Johnny’s teacher Mrs Soremouth, was a huge woman whose body if harvested could feed a third world country. It was surprising she could fit into her robin reliant without falling over.
Johnny arrived at school and saw the gang, Peter, who was the brainiest of the group, Ronald who was far from the brainiest of the group, Billy who was Johnny’s best friend and Blitzer who was huge for his age and was captain of the school rugby team. They all said “Hi Johnny” like a choir from a cat’s belly. Johnny zoomed past them, he was going for the jump. Ronald shouted “Look” and the whole playground was focused on Johnny. He went up the plank on the back of the builder’s lorry and for a few seconds he flew until he hit the bike shed’s roof. He slid off the roof and in the next few seconds found himself outside Mr Tallywacker’s office. He sat silent and marvelled at his wounds. He had been attempting the jump for the past month ever since the builders arrived. Mr Tallywacker called him in and gave him the usual.
Johnny entered his classroom and everyone gave a cheer and were then hushed down by Soremouth. He sat down in his place next to Billy and they chatted of the day’s events so far. Johnny had Geography for his first lesson. His teacher was Mr Ironfist who you don’t want to get on the wrong side of. He hated Johnny and he always had, and Johnny knew it. Ironfist entered the room and a huge silence arose from the depths of what was once noise. Johnny did not dare look at him, but he still got sent out for moving his feet too loudly.
It was break time and Johnny had recovered from the humiliation of the last lesson. He was planning. He planned a lot. He was cooking up the biggest and most destructive scheme that he had ever brewed. The plan was to blow up the science block. This did seem a bit out of reach but Johnny had science last lesson and they were using chemicals. His plan was to mix some chemicals up and set them on fire and see what happens. He planned with the rest of the gang. Peter said it would not work but Johnny didn’t care. Then she came in, Jasmine the prettiest and most sort after girl in all the school. She walked in and kind of floated to her desk where she set down her perfectly shaped buttocks. Johnny had the biggest crush on her for ever since he could remember and any chance he got he would speak to her but his words always got muddled. He was drawn over to her by her almighty presence and after a long pause he said “Hey Jasmine” she ignored him on purpose. He tried again and offered her some of his lunch “Hey Jasmine do you want a bit of my gherkin,” She turned to him in time and said “Pardon John”. He said “Bite me gherkin Jasmine, please” then he realised what he was saying. He quickly tried to recover “Err, I mean you have a very nice pair of....” He glanced at her art project which was a painting of a bowl of fruit “nice pair of melons” He smiled in delight at his triumph and she gave him a slap round the face.
Johnny recovered and found himself in French. He liked French not because of the language he couldn’t speak a word but that his teacher Mr Dimbleby always fell asleep. Johnny set out his plans for the science lesson in the centre of the gang’s table. He used pencils and rubbers as little people and showed what would happen. Blitzer would bash a fire alarm half way through the lesson when all the chemicals were out. The school would evacuate which would make way for Ronald to distract the teacher Mrs Holloway so Johnny and Billy could make the explosion. Peter gave them the formula for a substance that may explode with the chemicals they will have to use. It was set. The bell went and the lunch time madness took hold.
The gang did not speak of the plan a lunch because of spies. The spies were kids that worked for the teachers for extra privileges and you never knew who to trust. Jasmine floated into the room again. Johnny spotted her and tried to impress her with his hairy legs. He got his slap and went outside. “What am I doing wrong Billy”. Johnny said, Billy who was a notorious womaniser said, “You have to treat them with respect”. Johnny pondered this thought for a minute and then Jasmine naked took over his brain once again. He went back in the room with a new sense of direction. He was going to ask her out. He slid into the room like a snake so he would not be seen. He popped up right in front of her face so he was so close she could feel his breath on her face, which was his first problem. She gave a look of disgust and, a piece of chewing gum. With his new sense of minty freshness he said, “Jasmine I like your, I mean, I like you.” She said, “I know.” He mustered up all his courage and said it, “will you go all the way with me?” she gave him a slap and he said “no, no Jasmine will you go out with me?” She gave a giggle and said, “Maybe”. Johnny was now on top of the world and from that moment till five minutes later he was a new man.
Science, the lesson had begun and Blitzer had gone to the toilet to set off the alarm. The alarm sounded, it was like the blitz. Johnny and Billy dived under the table. The other Pupils filed out and Ronald made a distraction by gracefully throwing himself into a bookshelf. The two boys got the chemicals they needed and followed Peter’s instructions. They had to get out onto the field in time to be registered so they would not be caught. They heated the mixture and ran. Johnny was a fast runner but Billy was slow so Johnny carried him. They ran down the field from behind so they would not be seen and got in line. Mrs Soremouth barged her way through the crowds and took the register. Peter counted down 3,2,1 and BOOM a huge gas cloud arose from the Science block. Johnny looked in amazement at his work. The gang would go down in the history of the school as the boys who blew up the science block. But is was not to be. Later the boys looked on at the science block in prefect condition apart from a few smashed windows and being a bit gassed out. Johnny could not believe it. He was quite devastated for a while but then moved on five minutes later and started brewing a new plan.
He went to get his coat and found himself trapped between the lockers and Jasmine. She looked into his eyes and kissed him. It was a good hard intense kiss and Johnny enjoyed it immensely. She stopped and said “7:30 at Punjab’s,” Johnny didn’t argue. He was now in heaven. His first kiss and it was with the love of his life. He floated out of school and all the way home.
He entered his house and said “Hello mother dearest, how are you?” His mother fainted on fell on the sofa. Johnny ran upstairs and started to get ready. It was only 4:30 and Johnny was changed and smelled like Dave which was probably because he was wearing his aftershave. A half naked Dave looked through the door and said “What you doing boy?” Johnny ignored him so Dave retreated back to his room. 7:30 arrived and there was no sign of Jasmine. Johnny waited outside Punjab’s shop for three hours with his flowers in hand. She never turned up. Johnny went to the field and lay down on his favourite hill. He looked at the sky and the stars that twinkled down at him and he began to cry. Johnny was not one for crying but he couldn’t help it. He went home and got ready for bed. He lay there thinking and slowly dropped off into a deep sleep. Beep, beep, beep went Johnny's alarm but he was not there he had already gone. And like the wind he rode, he dodged the wall outside the shop. He gave Mrs Hugh’s a good morning and a nice clean and dry paper. He took his hat off her fence post and rode off into the distance.
Article Written by Jameson
jugsy_the_bugsy@hotmail.com