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100 Things About: iThings


  1. iToilet - Seat not included.
  2. iCondom - with integral orange glow.
  3. iHouse - with see-thru walls.
  4. iJay - with red hair.
  5. iOcciliscope -  wobbly line recorded as extra.
  6. iSmackmybitchup - with large paddle.
  7. iSoap - avoid contact with water.
  8. iArticle - Please purchase Microsoft Office to continue.
  9. iDisk - not really a disk.
  10. iPC - do not pass go, do not collect a free T-shirt.
  11. iLAN - do not connect to any other machines.
  12. iArse - Does not take a floppy.
  13. iShakira - not compatible with BritneyXP.
  14. iPhone - Mobile Connectivity at a price.
  15. iWallet - Does not take money.
  16. iBottle - Bottoms out at regular intervals.
  17. iSpeaker - Volume control just for show.
  18. iCompactDisk - Square model for light entertainment.
  19. iWomen - On/off button at rear.
  20. iFork - For office use only.
  21. iSpoon - Do not use in dusty environment.
  22. iKeyboard - Special limited edition 20 button version.
  23. iGeneration - Post MTV appocolypse.
  24. iSattelite - Delivery not included.
  25. iMicrosoft - Non branded products at users descretion.
  26. iMonitor - This will void your warantee.
  27. iVibrator - We recommend Duracell Battery's.
  28. iSlide - Do not alow children to use machine.
  29. iBike - This toy is not a toy.
  30. iWhisky - Not compatible with iVodka.
  31. iVodka - Not compatble with iWhisky.
  32. iZipDisk - Do Not Bend
  33. iPinnocio - No lies.
  34. iToast - Browned to perfection (may take six to eight weeks).
  35. iBall - Sphere limited addition.
  36. iGuitar - Strings are optional.
  37. iSpectacles - Optical High Resolution Balls required.
  38. iDavidBlaine - Its magic.
  39. iChair - 3 legs for the price of 4.
  40. iOven - Incompatible with standard food.
  41. iGlass - Hot when in use.
  42. iMug - Do not use when wet.
  43. iJournal - Memory storage at its best.
  44. iNotePad - Does it speak?
  45. iVirgin - The aeroplanes are high.
  46. iSalt - iPepper required for taste.
  47. iPepper - iSalt may corrupt.
  48. iCoffee - iMilk required for Java.
  49. iMilk - keep in a cold place for longetivity.
  50. iTheOnlineNet - A great place for meaningless rants - now with blue keys.
  51. iFifty - Soon to be iSixty.
  52. iEminem - That white fool with the problems.
  53. iMarkHulley - Homosexual Attributes found during peak performance.
  54. iRecycle - Keep Britain tidy.
  55. iLondon - Not enough Capital Required.
  56. iAutomobile - Machine Engineered.
  57. iGirlFriend - For your eyes only.
  58. iVideo - Legal Documents included.
  59. iVideoCassetteRecorder - Only plays iVideo's.
  60. iDVD - region 9 (southern Kazakstan) only.
  61. iFlower - concertina approval.
  62. iBasketBallNet - Ring size significantly smaller than regular ball.
  63. iPiano - Notes a plenty.
  64. iJukebox - Many times faster than a regular jukebox.
  65. iYogeyBear - Smarter than the average bear.
  66. iNeptune - Worlds Apart.
  67. iSwingball - Too dangerous for a mere mortal.
  68. iCambridge - Not just a town.
  69. iSexualPosition - Backwards at the same time as being forwards.
  70. iSixWayAdapter - For all your power hungry needs.
  71. iDad - Adapts to any situation.
  72. iWorld - Spins Day and Night
  73. iDynamite - It'l blow you... away.
  74. iDrain - Keep the water flowing.
  75. iDownstairs - Beneath you.
  76. iUpstairs - Above you.
  77. iCanoe - Awash with problems
  78. iSnap - the ultimate in card gaming
  79. iAlan - solves any problem, when fed porn
  80. iPoker - The moneys on the table.
  81. iSnooker - Special interactive shaft.
  82. iBurglary - Steals your money, and then shows you how.
  83. iEye - Sees everything that a normal eye can't.
  84. iBusiness - Business, but in virtual reality.
  85. iMoney - Completely useless.
  86. iParliament - Does everything a real MP can do.
  87. iHedge - Overly Cut and Overly Priced.
  88. iTrain - Forward Movement Limited - but it has some nice laser effects.
  89. iBaby - Cries at the right time.
  90. iBamboo - Slightly bent - so that the panda's can do special tricks.
  91. iRetirement - Works once, will never work again.
  92. iTeleport - Coming soon to a person near you.
  93. iSubmarine - Doesn't work underwater.
  94. iCanopy - Keeps you wet in dry conditions.
  95. iTree - Built in internet connection.
  96. iCamera - Resolution so high it can only take half a picture.
  97. iArchitect - Buildings with Style, available only in flower, or lime green.
  98. iViolin - Plays as well as a regular violin.
  99. ielectricity - Gives that etheral buzz.
  100. iMac - Absurd.


Written by Rawson
sessodio@wideasleep.co.uk