I don’t know about you but I tend to use pens quite a lot. One form of pen is undoubtedly the international king of pens, this pen is the Biro. Many criticise the Biro for its scratchy technique and the fact there is no way of predicting when it is going to run out, this may be true however the Biro has a longer life and is cheaper than any other pen known to man, this is why I love the biro.

Fun Activity Time – Go on www.google.com, and do an ‘I’m feeling Lucky’ search on Biro. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

I was so inspired by this wonder of literary equipment that I decided to mod my Biro into the ultimate pen, a pen so classy that Hindus children would stop and say “When I’m reincarnated I want to be that pen”. I quickly got to work on the project and decided to start by writing a list of specifications that the pen would have to meet, this is pictured below.

After sitting down and having a serious think about what I was trying to do I decided against installing the AM/FM radio and the nuclear warhead due to the limited availability of the afore mentioned item. I also needed to select a suitable Biro to mod, after several seconds of contemplating I decided to use my favourite ‘Blue and White’ Biro which frequently appears in my hand.

I immediately got to work and I was quite pleased with the result after half an hour of hard cutting, wiring and designing. It still did not look quite right at this stage however and as you can see the pen needs quite a lot more work.

The next process would take quite some time and no effort. I went round Alan’s and pinched his Dremel and some things which looked interesting, then I went to Rawson’s house and negotiated the lease of the basic electrical equipment needed to finish the project. I finally managed to persuade him in return for washing his KA. I’m not going to do it of course, what a sucker.

Fun Activity Time – Tie a family member to a chair and see how many Biros you can stick in him or her. See if you can beat twenty three.

With all the equipment I needed I knew it wouldn’t be long before the ultimate pen was finally finished. At this point the magnitude of what I was attempting set in and I raced up stairs to shave for the inevitable ‘Time’ magazine ‘Man of the Century’ photo shoot. When I had finished grooming myself I returned to the project and got down to work, I won’t bore you with the details but I will ask you how to get a camel to walk down a staircase backwards because I’m fresh out of ideas.

And here it is ladies and gentlemen, the moment that you have all been waiting for…

Behold the Ultimate Pen!

Article Written by Randy.