Well, here is another non-article article, you know – one of those ones that isn’t actually about anything interesting in particular, but is just written for a reason. Other examples of this type of article are James’ “Lisa’s just another friend that you don’t know” article, and my own “wow, we’ve written one hundred and fifty articles” article. This type of article is surprisingly easy to start actually – there is in fact no real need to think as you write, and just by randomly drivelling on about pointless things while writing stupidly long sentences and watching useless rubbish on television, the general gist just seems to come out of the mist. I didn’t mean to make that rhyme.

Anyway, the main problem with this type of article, is actually to make a point; a point which actually influences those around you and makes a change to someone, or something. Well, I have considered this – and by looking at the other articles that have been written so far, I have drawn this small but incredibly important list. I know that it has been done before – but the writing skills, styles, and authors are constantly changing; and so this new up to date list must be followed.

Articles Must:

Involve some sort of controversy, the volume of controversy is not well defined – but some sort of controversial factors MUST be involved in each article.
Be short, and too the point – but must not skip vital facts. The article must have a minimum word limit of around 400 words, unless a specific value less than this is required for comic/intelligent effect.
Involve the ridicule of someone, something, a system, or a country. If this is difficult for the flow of your article, then simply make a general reference to ‘The Ramadins’, or ‘Hacking’. Simple.
Sexual innuendo is often used, but is not used often enough. This method can quickly make a brilliant piece of work, but as shown by James’ ‘on women’ it can make a poor written article, which can be used against you at a later date.
Simple words, used repetitively to shown contempt. Nice.
Some sort of overly elaborate scheme is also necessary. The replacement of various letters with other characters is one way of by passing this however. For example, when talking about someone who is not overly exiting, end their name in ‘eh’. This makes any name sound funny, or ‘comical’. For example ‘Pandeh’, ‘Randeh’, ‘Weatleh’, ‘Poke Meh’. Another method is to use ‘elite’ to mock hackers – or ‘Hax0rs’. A simple sentence may read ‘yeah babeh, I’m a l337 Hax0r of Ultr4 Fly n00beh pr0p0r710ns. D4mn th15 5h17 i5 w4ck’. This can be translated as “Hello Madam, How are you doing? – Do you like my new computer? I do not like the current political environment.”

As can be seen, a general understanding of these methods can be hard to comprehend. The insulting of another TON official for comic purposes is heavily frowned upon – and, although it could be seen as controversial – it is neither funny nor humorous in any way. This method of ‘quick writing’ as it is named, was used frequently in the early days of TON, and spawned articles that were rarely read. A comical, interesting article which challenges the stomach will always reign over one that simply mocks another. This is excluding those situations in which we mock people for mocking us. Generally we mock to compliment – if you complain, then more ‘fuel’ you.

So, once again, a totally pointless article for the Ramadins and those sexually frustrated Eskimo’s who – it has recently become known – have been spending time in Spain to get away from the cold.

Great.

Article Written by Rawson