It was after many months of viewing TON as a relative outsider that I began to see the attraction that could arise in a LAN gaming event. The games, the enjoyment, the porn, it all sounded like a mass orgy of fun, and thus I became quite intrigued as to how I could ‘get in on the act.’

It was during a computing lesson if I remember rightly where Alan was ripping heatsinks from old Pentium’s and Hulley was being, well Hulley, that my moment arose. Alan informed me that the following Saturday there was to be a LAN at Dave’s house, and I was promptly invited. ‘Great’ I thought and psyched myself up to go round in the morning. Then, I realised I had overlooked the small matter that I had to attend work that day, and so I phoned up trying to throw a sickie. Now anyone who knows me knows that I am a crap liar and that it is probably quite easy to see right through me. It came as no great surprise that I was caught and told that ‘I must come into work.’ I slammed down the phone, was obviously frustrated but there was nothing I could do. I wasn’t going.

The next day came and I was at work; then I see a small bunch of 3 lads charging in and heading in my direction. It was of course Grant, Dave and Pandy, and there I was holding a bundle of baguettes, with a pinny on and a straw hat. It was inevitable that the following comment of ‘You look a twat!’ and ‘You look a prick’ spewed from Master Ainsworth’s mouth.

I tried to joke it off, but I did have to admit it. I looked a gimp. It was at that moment I felt that Dave took pity on this poor helpless creature which stood before him and informed me that after work I could still attend the LAN. This was going to leave me little time but it was better than nothing. During my lunch break the wires were ripped from the computer and placed neatly into my satchel, ready for transportation to ‘Davey Rand’s House of Pleasure’. And so it was dropped off.

After work I went around to Dave’s only to find Rusty on my PC. That was not the worst of it. Pandy in another humorous adventure had decided to take an extract of sound from a pornographic video and set it as the sound my PC played whenever I did anything. This has more commonly become knows as the ‘bitch-slap.’ After all of this the game playing commenced, and I was shockingly bad. Whilst playing Batlefield 1942 whenever a plane crashed shouts of ‘There goes Bev again’ arose, and it was greated by the sound of Alan chuckling insanely next to me. That sound I shall NEVER forget.

The game playing continued until 3am and at that point I walked home, remembering I had to be at work the next day at 8.30am.

And from those humble rags, I have attended another few more LAN’s, watched people almost die through excessive alcohol consumption, and had many more ‘good times.’ I am due to become a host of my own LAN a week today (18-12-02), and I hope that my LAN can bring as much joy to the newbie’s (Greeny) as RandyLAN5 did to me.

Article Written by Bev