Corned beef is beef preserved in brine according to dictionary.com, in reality’s reality however it is a churned up monstrosity that represents everything wrong with the agricultural system, including the seedy things farmers get up to a day-to-day basis, like feeding people to pigs (as seen in Snatch), and making the countryside one big field.

The beef in corned beef may not be beef at all, recent studies suggest. We are led to believe it is made from all the leftover bits of a cow after McDonalds and Burger King and Little Chef and Wimpy have finished with it. So you going to get some cow brain in there, a bit of liver, maybe some ankle, an artery or two, and probably some from around the groin area. Corned beef also contains bits of human organs donated for medical research that were deemed too defective and diseased to be of use to the scientific community, and god knows what else.

So is corned beef, excluding the human part, made from the best parts of the worst cows or the worst parts of the best cows – or perhaps somewhere in between? I am inclined to say it doesn’t really matter, all that matters is that David Randall can sit in peace eating his corned beef sandwiched, and life can continue as normal.

Article Written by Jay