The enigma known to some as Davey Rand, and to most as Randy is the superior intellect among the TON ranks. This great man recognised Jameson's fall from grace when he wrote "Her Name Was El Cid And She Wore Red" a great many months before the rest of us knew what was going on. Still to this day, nobody has been able to The Man, The Legend, Davey Rand

identify how he managed this feat of preconition. The main theories revolve around the possibility that he has Uri Geller-like mind powers [although not quite so annoying], or that Randy has built some kind of a time machine. Either of these would support the claim that Randy is the greatest TON person ever, especially the time machine one.

Aside from his mind powers/scientific genius, Randy also has the name card in his favour. How many people do you know that can, using an amusing link to his/her surname, come up with "Randy"? Go on, count them. You could even count them if you were a quadruple amputee with no nose, wang or other sticky-out bits that could possibly be used for counting on.

In another amazing feat of amazingness, Randy managed to win the 6th Form Great Britons debate as the advocate for Cromwell, despite Cromwell losing [he came 10th] on the BBC Great Britons Debate. This is due to his excellent delivery of information, and the way he captivated the audience, and not due to the fact that Cromwell "probably killed the Welsh". If Randy can make a loser like Cromwell win, then surely he is greater than the other TON personalities.

Randy also holds one of the best paid jobs among us, as a worker at the well known high quality food and beverage selling establishments known as "McDonalds". He works with several layabouts known to the masses as "Alan Edkins", "Ollie Lown" and "Rob Howard". These people together can test any man woman or beast to the extremes of their sanity, with their combined powers of idiocy, sarcasm and crazyness. The only side effect is that Randy has been known to wander around muttering things like "Drive-Thru" and "Big Mac" followed by a string of obscenties.

He is the creator and manager of Lan Central, and in his history has run five LANs, RandyLAN, RandyLAN2, RandyLAN Evolution, RandyLANtastic and RandyLAN5. Noneof which I was invited to, so I cannot write very much about. All of the RandyLan series have been held in "Randy's Palace Of Random Revelations", and none of his hostings have ever nearly killed the participants [Rawson, this means you]. Although none of the LANs are particularly well documented, the pictures have to be seen to be believed.

As the host of more LANs than anyone else, the owner of Uri Geller like mind powers, conquerer of 6th Form debates and the operator of LAN Central who could possibly better to be this great man?

And that is why Randy is the greatest TON person ever.

Written by Hardcastle