MAIN » ARTICLESGreatest TON Personality: Rusty
Why you should vote for Rusty, by Hendrix
Rusty, rusty, rusty. A man that has been known to TON creator, Jay, and the sub-creator, Hendrix, ever since the dawn of Bucklesham Primary time.
Since making a move from Scotland, into new premises, namely Rusty’s Country Manor, it has been laughs all round, brought about by the master of disaster Ian Christopher James. Ian’s first exploits on the internet are known to be ‘Lara Croft and other stuff’ personally I cannot recall details on this venture, but King tells me that it was a exhibition to celebrate the female race, in enhanced electronic form. Created on his 500 MHz, which he still owns today, with the minor additions of a £20 modem, seemingly on permanent loan from 86 Bucklesham Road management, and until recently a non-Windows XP-compatible graphics card, from Hendrix. Lara Croft and other stuff was never broadcast to the masses, and inevitably Rusty’s heart cried out for a new canvas to paint the colours of self-expression upon.
From the ghetto of Geocities, Rusty rose above, to the heavens of freenetname. Here he hatched the plan of therocketlauncher.co.uk, with partner in crime Paul Hardcastle and celebrity writers such as pirate beale. Some say from the success of TRL caused flourishing envy in the hearts of pre-TON workers, and prompted them to create theonlinetnet.
TRL was a place for gamers, who frolicked with the desire to frag into the early hours of day-after-day of Quake 3 and Half-Life goodness, just like the creator himself. After over a year of satisfied customers, TRL started to wean in energy, and through many update related complaints Rusty saw poor prospects for TRL, and closed it down.
While the general public thought that Rusty had gone to walk in his extensive manor grounds, and weep about lost opportunities, he had actually gone to Tesco to buy a pot-noodle [chow mien flavour] and a bottle of kick. But when he got back he was god-damn sure that he did something new, something original, and it was amazing what he could do with nothing. The new navy, black/white, mystyle.css, and innovative widescreen scrolling action impressed the women.
Behind the scenes at TON, Rusty has been a constant voice; one which praises, inspires and sometimes utters words not suitable for our holy-ears. But always someone who an unbiased and helpful opinion can be extracted from. In the face of the unforgiving public Rusty has turned up trumps with articles such as the classic ‘peaches’ the innovative and informative ‘duvet report’ and the comedy ‘Jameson: exposed’. Also making sneak appearances in other articles such as ‘2nd random quotathon’ and TON franchise ‘LAN central’ where he soon hopes to make regular appearances with a high-power dedicated gaming machine, complements of big Tesco Martlesham, and the strange people in Fruit n Veg.
I decided to do a one-on-one interview with the sugar-daddy, below is a fairly accurate transcript of the talk.
Hendrix: so, Ian Christopher James…
Rusty: …my middle name is Robert….
Hendrix: …right. Ok. So, when was the first time you heard of TON
Rusty: ‘furrowed brow’ well, I would have to have been a month or so into the madness, you gave me a link, and I clicked into the goodness.
Hendrix: ho ho ho, that’s the way to do it!
Rusty: “?” ‘puzzled look’
Hendrix: anyway, what have been your most memorable moments at TON?
Rusty: well, I always like a bit of controversy, the Carolyn ‘o Connor profile complaints from the lady herself was good entertainment.
Hendrix: indeed
Rusty: indeed
Hendrix: So, are you happy to be a writer at TON
Rusty: ‘angry, then thoughtful’ no, I’m not happy to be just a writer for TON, infact I’m secretly planning to assassinate Jay.
Rusty: oh, hello Jay, I was just talking about my plan to kill you to take over TON.
Jay: keep it real nigger
Rusty: indeed
Hendrix: indeed
Jay: indeed
Hendrix: so, rusty old boy, if you were ‘given’ TON ownership, would you take it, and what would you like to do with your new beating stick of authority?
Rusty: well, I was always a man of nostalgia; I’d like to see Jameson back… well not necessarily back, but writing some more articles. Also I’d like the community war to continue.
Hendrix: what can Joe Public expect from you in the near, and not so near future?
Rusty: a steady rate of no work, possibly moving away from articles and more onto larger features.
Hendrix: such as?
Rusty: well, I’d like to see some more scantily clad women around TON HQ, it really brightens up the concrete and threadbare carpet-ness of it all.
Hendrix: you’re hinting at a new TON franchise, ton:women ? don’t you think this will cheapen the extremely reputable image that TON has built up over the years
Rusty: nay
Rusty is a personality and a half, who will be dandy glad if voted for greatest ton personality ever.
Vote Rusty for Greatest Ton Personality.
Written by Rib
Since making a move from Scotland, into new premises, namely Rusty’s Country Manor, it has been laughs all round, brought about by the master of disaster Ian Christopher James. Ian’s first exploits on the internet are known to be ‘Lara Croft and other stuff’ personally I cannot recall details on this venture, but King tells me that it was a exhibition to celebrate the female race, in enhanced electronic form. Created on his 500 MHz, which he still owns today, with the minor additions of a £20 modem, seemingly on permanent loan from 86 Bucklesham Road management, and until recently a non-Windows XP-compatible graphics card, from Hendrix. Lara Croft and other stuff was never broadcast to the masses, and inevitably Rusty’s heart cried out for a new canvas to paint the colours of self-expression upon.
From the ghetto of Geocities, Rusty rose above, to the heavens of freenetname. Here he hatched the plan of therocketlauncher.co.uk, with partner in crime Paul Hardcastle and celebrity writers such as pirate beale. Some say from the success of TRL caused flourishing envy in the hearts of pre-TON workers, and prompted them to create theonlinetnet.
TRL was a place for gamers, who frolicked with the desire to frag into the early hours of day-after-day of Quake 3 and Half-Life goodness, just like the creator himself. After over a year of satisfied customers, TRL started to wean in energy, and through many update related complaints Rusty saw poor prospects for TRL, and closed it down.
While the general public thought that Rusty had gone to walk in his extensive manor grounds, and weep about lost opportunities, he had actually gone to Tesco to buy a pot-noodle [chow mien flavour] and a bottle of kick. But when he got back he was god-damn sure that he did something new, something original, and it was amazing what he could do with nothing. The new navy, black/white, mystyle.css, and innovative widescreen scrolling action impressed the women.
Behind the scenes at TON, Rusty has been a constant voice; one which praises, inspires and sometimes utters words not suitable for our holy-ears. But always someone who an unbiased and helpful opinion can be extracted from. In the face of the unforgiving public Rusty has turned up trumps with articles such as the classic ‘peaches’ the innovative and informative ‘duvet report’ and the comedy ‘Jameson: exposed’. Also making sneak appearances in other articles such as ‘2nd random quotathon’ and TON franchise ‘LAN central’ where he soon hopes to make regular appearances with a high-power dedicated gaming machine, complements of big Tesco Martlesham, and the strange people in Fruit n Veg.
I decided to do a one-on-one interview with the sugar-daddy, below is a fairly accurate transcript of the talk.
Hendrix: so, Ian Christopher James…
Rusty: …my middle name is Robert….
Hendrix: …right. Ok. So, when was the first time you heard of TON
Rusty: ‘furrowed brow’ well, I would have to have been a month or so into the madness, you gave me a link, and I clicked into the goodness.
Hendrix: ho ho ho, that’s the way to do it!
Rusty: “?” ‘puzzled look’
Hendrix: anyway, what have been your most memorable moments at TON?
Rusty: well, I always like a bit of controversy, the Carolyn ‘o Connor profile complaints from the lady herself was good entertainment.
Hendrix: indeed
Rusty: indeed
Hendrix: So, are you happy to be a writer at TON
Rusty: ‘angry, then thoughtful’ no, I’m not happy to be just a writer for TON, infact I’m secretly planning to assassinate Jay.
Rusty: oh, hello Jay, I was just talking about my plan to kill you to take over TON.
Jay: keep it real nigger
Rusty: indeed
Hendrix: indeed
Jay: indeed
Hendrix: so, rusty old boy, if you were ‘given’ TON ownership, would you take it, and what would you like to do with your new beating stick of authority?
Rusty: well, I was always a man of nostalgia; I’d like to see Jameson back… well not necessarily back, but writing some more articles. Also I’d like the community war to continue.
Hendrix: what can Joe Public expect from you in the near, and not so near future?
Rusty: a steady rate of no work, possibly moving away from articles and more onto larger features.
Hendrix: such as?
Rusty: well, I’d like to see some more scantily clad women around TON HQ, it really brightens up the concrete and threadbare carpet-ness of it all.
Hendrix: you’re hinting at a new TON franchise, ton:women ? don’t you think this will cheapen the extremely reputable image that TON has built up over the years
Rusty: nay
Rusty is a personality and a half, who will be dandy glad if voted for greatest ton personality ever.
Vote Rusty for Greatest Ton Personality.
Written by Rib