MAIN » ARTICLES WAN Damage Report 2002 Due to WAN being run in the basement of a 48 storey building, it is the time once again for the annual damage report. As this is my first time LOCATION: Stevo's AA Hall [WhitLAN] DAMAGE: WAN has recieved billing statements from 36 different hazardous waste removal companies in the weeks following WhitLAN. These statements have been passed onto the respective recipients, namely Mr Jack Adams, and Mr Laurence Wheeler. COST TO WAN: 37p in postage of billing statements LOCATION: Central Server Room DAMAGE: Liquid Nitrogen Coolant System bent out of place and used for drinks holders/coolers COST TO WAN: £485.79 approx. for new piping/nitrogen cooler unit. The old unit is being moved to the bar area. LOCATION: TON HQ DAMAGE: Bin unemptied. COST TO WAN: £3.86 per hour. Due to new regulations a qualified officcial must handle all waste disposal, and must be paid hourly rates. Congratulations on your new job, Mr. Wheeler. LOCATION: The Institute DAMAGE: 2x Steel Cages [reinforced], 1x Decontamination Chamber, 7x security cameras, 1x RBMK Nuclear Reactor [date due for decommissioning: 1992], 3x Deep Blue style Supercomputers, 1x Nev-R-Break Specimen Containment Unit [broken], 1x Research Laboratoy [shown] The Institute, After COST TO WAN: £4,876,356.12 LOCATION: LAN Central DAMAGE: Toilet blocked. COST TO WAN: £1.99 required for plunger LOCATION: ihatemyself.org DAMAGE: Psychological COST TO WAN: £0. In fact, our revenues are expected to go up due to the "resources" we will be recieveing from the BPS in return for their new "specimens". LOCATION: Ready Room DAMAGE: SCRAM switch handle removed. Used for practical jokes on Alan. COST TO WAN: £84 for new SCRAM switch LOCATION: The Bar DAMAGE: Vomit stains on floor, spilt cleaning chemicals have melted through the bar surface. COST TO WAN: £51 LOCATION: Complaints Department DAMAGE: Bullet holes, ricochet damage, broken computers, blodstains, Jameson's corpse. COST TO WAN: £50,000 for local mafia to take the blame. LOCATION: Reception DAMAGE: Paperclip left on desk. COST TO WAN: £1 LOCATION: Break Room DAMAGE: TON Writers left unnatended. COST TO WAN: Nothing. Yet. LOCATION: Ladies Toilet DAMAGE: Tampon dispensers empty, three (3) toilets left overflowing and clogged with aborted fetuses. COST TO WAN: None, we made Rawson clean up his mess. In other news, WAN has recieved permission and government funding to move to an new headquaters. The new headquaters block is shown below. Expect the new-look TON to be released in conjunction with the move. The ALL NEW WAN Headquaters in it's full glory. Written by Hardcastle