MAIN » ARTICLESDavid Randall's Guide to 'Logging Out'
After my previous article on how to log on I received many messages like the following…
”Dave, u iz so l33t. Theh articol that u wrote wz sw33t. Bt I iz a n00b an I no can logg off!!!!!111.”
This is a common problem with n00bs that are not HaX0rz like me. There are many ways to log off a system, first we will start with how not to log off.
How not to log off
It is a common misconception that Microsoft has added the ability to log off in modern versions of the Windows operating systems. This is not correct however as if you select this button...
…Windows automatically overheats your CPU, corrupts your hard drive and sends all your money to Microsoft (ever wondered why Bill Gates is so rich yet nobody owns a real copy of Windows?). There are many different ways to properly log off but I can’t STRESS enough do not select this button.
The Traditional Method
This method of logging off is the oldest hence the term traditional method. To log off by the traditional method try any one of these actions…
The Franco-Greco-Australian Persedolpolis Method
This is probably the best way of ensuring a safe log off but n00bs can’t do it. This requires you to close all your programs but installing this lovely program. Once y0ur MEGAHURTZ are protected you can proceed with the log off procedure. Firstly find the Alt key located at the top right of the key board then mash the f4 button which is somewhere at the back of the case. If you get stuck randomly mash the enter key then repeat to ensure a correct log off.
The Geoffrey Witherton Smithe Method
Everyone who has tried this method has died, but don’t let this discourage you! This method requires a small bit of patience as you will have to sit and watch the machine until it turns its self off. Leading philosophers say that since nothing exists you must have logged off already since there is nothing to log on to. The problems with this is Philosophers are wrong, you just have to wait for the hard disk to corrupt its self or the PSU to spontaneously combust.
Conclusion
In conclusion a car with a cereal box on top looks like a Taxi from a distance.
Written by Randy
”Dave, u iz so l33t. Theh articol that u wrote wz sw33t. Bt I iz a n00b an I no can logg off!!!!!111.”
This is a common problem with n00bs that are not HaX0rz like me. There are many ways to log off a system, first we will start with how not to log off.
How not to log off
It is a common misconception that Microsoft has added the ability to log off in modern versions of the Windows operating systems. This is not correct however as if you select this button...
…Windows automatically overheats your CPU, corrupts your hard drive and sends all your money to Microsoft (ever wondered why Bill Gates is so rich yet nobody owns a real copy of Windows?). There are many different ways to properly log off but I can’t STRESS enough do not select this button.
The Traditional Method
This method of logging off is the oldest hence the term traditional method. To log off by the traditional method try any one of these actions…
- Press the power button; if this fails to work hold it down for about ten hours
- Wrap the Power Supply Unit in damp cloth to protect y0ur MEGAHURTZ
- Turn on as many electrical appliance as you can in an attempt to lower the wattage
- Urinate on the machine to enhance the love between you and y0ur MEGAHURTZ
The Franco-Greco-Australian Persedolpolis Method
This is probably the best way of ensuring a safe log off but n00bs can’t do it. This requires you to close all your programs but installing this lovely program. Once y0ur MEGAHURTZ are protected you can proceed with the log off procedure. Firstly find the Alt key located at the top right of the key board then mash the f4 button which is somewhere at the back of the case. If you get stuck randomly mash the enter key then repeat to ensure a correct log off.
The Geoffrey Witherton Smithe Method
Everyone who has tried this method has died, but don’t let this discourage you! This method requires a small bit of patience as you will have to sit and watch the machine until it turns its self off. Leading philosophers say that since nothing exists you must have logged off already since there is nothing to log on to. The problems with this is Philosophers are wrong, you just have to wait for the hard disk to corrupt its self or the PSU to spontaneously combust.
Conclusion
In conclusion a car with a cereal box on top looks like a Taxi from a distance.
Written by Randy