Recently we have received an alarming amount of complaints bitching about TON not being Cultural, Arty or Upper Class enough for some of our more esteemed viewers. In light of this, Jay has constructed a sculpture from Lego in my conservatory and now we're going to have a discussion about it.

D. So Jay can you take us through the basics of this piece.
J. First of all I wanted to create something that not only looked good but had a deeper meaning to the human soul, which is why I chose lego as my form of expression. Much like the life of a newborn child I started with a blank canvas and an open mind.

D. Jay, did you ever consider the fact that some artists do not consider Lego to be an appropriate medium to convey emotions? For one it is a toy intended for the under 12. Another reason is it was invented by the Danish who lets face it arn't really recognised for their cultural supremecy.
[PAUSE]
J. No. Now i'm going to take you through firstly the overall scene and then i'm going to focus in on the specific points I am making on todays soceity.

D. Ok Justin, please enlighten us.
J. Firstly I have split my piece into three main sections of disproportionate sizes which is very important. Imagine a cake if you will, the fat kid is always going to have the biggest chunk of cake. I mean even if you give it to the skinny kid he's not going to eat all of it, so in a way you might as well let the fattie go wild and save yourself the hassle. The first and largest section of my piece is the typical scenario that faces us as individuals day after day. The second and medium sized section of my piece represents the hopes and dreams of our children. Finally the smallest section represents a utopian soceity in which minds can float freely in the sky rather than being locked in cages.

D. So the skinny kid is a utopia?
J. No. Anyway imagine a cake if you will, if you bake a cake in a triangular shape then you will have three vertical sides on which to approach it. My creation is alot like this you can take it from three different angles: Angle 1, Angle 2 and Angle 3.

D. And what exactly are those angles?
J. Well that's a tricky question Dave. Imagine a Cake...
D. Are you intending to answer every question I pose with a pointless metaphore featuring cake?
J. No.

[AT THIS POINT WE SIT AND STARE AT EACH OTHER FOR 20 MINUTES, IN DEADLY SILENCE]

D. Okay, lets carry on. Please continue.
J. I decided to chose these particular three sections because I feel they are aspects of life everyone can relate to , you have the everyday futile struggle with monotony, you have your hopes and your dreams and then you have the product of these dreams, your desires.

D. Do you intend to make absolutely no sense what so ever in the duration of this interview?
J. The path to self actualisation is lined on all sides by the shatterd dreams of our forefathers.
D. I take that as a Yes.
J. Now I am going to take you through the individual symbols that manifest in this creation begining with section one. The first thing that may strike you about section one is the giant white horse in the bottom right corner. The horse is staring out of a closed window, this immediatly strikes a cord with the unfortunate amongst us and also horse owners. The horse is trapped like we are trapped, not only is he trapped by the fact he is a mere Lego piece but also by the confines of his locality and by the restriction of his vision by the rigid framework of the window. What I am suggesting is outside the window is something else, something better. Adjacent to the horse are two radiators one blue and one yellow, these represent not only in their colour but also in their heat the lashing flames of viscous society intent on taking away our dreams.

D. The horse's dreams.
J. Yeah. The main gate in the centre is shut. The four people in this section each have their own individual meaning. The first man is standing at a ships wheel, however he is not on a ship this is a comment on the inability of man to respond effectivly to every situation laid upon him. The second man...

D. The one getting poked up the ass by a stick...
J. Yeah. The one getting poked up the ass by a stick is bending over, he is the weakness in each and everyone of us to accept what we see and live restrained in a confined, snowbound, zoo. The third man...

D. The one who has a stick for a head and is getting A-Trained by the man behind him...
J. Yeah. He is the middle man, he is the least important. The forth and final man is taking the third man for behind, he's like a thief in the night, he is like a cat, he is the most intelligent of the four. He can see all before him and make judgement thus. He also has a goblet for a head.

D. Is he gay?
J. No Dave, it's a metaphor.
D. It looks a bit gay to me.
J. OK, yeah it's a bit gay. Section two is divided by a brick wall, this represents the difficulties we must overcome in our lives and the many perils we may face as we strive for our desires. Whilst overcoming the wall may be tricky it is ultimately rewarding for inside section two is a single treasure chest, this treasure chest is guarded by an amputuee with a goblet on his head...

D. Somewhat of a running theme...
J. No. The treasure inside the chest represents our materialistic life goals, the shallow objects and wealth we wish to attain, the wish fueled by the greed and corruption that makes us human. The third and final section is restricted by an even larger wall than before, a wall so unimaginably great that no man could ever clime it - not even those tricky africans that clime palm trees for cocunuts. However the door to this final section is easily as great, this is a comment on the ability for every one of us to reach our full potential. The door is there, we just have to walk through it. In this example a large black horse is attempting to walk through the door. There is also a man sitting upon a throne atop the great wall. and a pirate/policeman (with a hook) over looking section one.

D. Wow.

Article Written by Randy and Jay