MAIN » ARTICLESThe Slaughtering of a Classic
(Drunken Godfather Review)
The drink has partially beeen drunk and the fresh bottles are now by our sides or feet. The film of choice for this evening is the 19something classic “The Godfther” that has now been craked open by the man hendy himself.
Intro – bald man. Big moustache. Wow I just spellt mioustache right. The man has a florer in his jacket.
May I spend a few seconds intrducing myself, I am Robert hendy, and I am one half of this ‘drunken movie review TEAM’. Apart from providing the venue and drink, I am also supplying the illigitemate copy of ‘the godfather’ which we are currently watching.
The second scene has just started, which is a wedding, there is much merry dancing, which I am not very impressed about – after only 1 can of beer. The first scene was pretty bad, just a bald man saying something which I couldn’t hear because the sound wasn’t turned up high enough.
I’ve so far grasped that this film is something about Italians, possibly later in the storyline it will develop into a Italian gang culture thing, which seems a bit cheesy. Their names remind me of the teenage ninja mutant turtles. I think I’d appreciare It with a few more drinks. Lauren is feeding me barcardi. Orange.
..
Few minute gap.
..
Back to the man who was in the intro, the guy with the flower. I just got told a brief anecdote about how Lauren’s parents were going to name her ‘fleur’ which is French for ‘flower’.
There is a lady in a big hat.
So far I give ‘the godfather’ a 3/10, it is quite boring, nobody has died yet, and the camera-angle switching is very slow, I feel sleepy. The highlights of the movie are ‘the horses head in the bed’ although I this bit hasn’t happened yet.
More drink.
“wheres the drink?”
Lauren “we’re only 15 ninutes in”
HENDY “I hate this film”
SNEEZE (hendy)
Strange Italian singing
SCREAMING (fake0)
Lauren (GCSE textiles) says that her dress is quite crap, the seams are probably badly done. There are a lot of actors though, a big number of extras.
Lauren is a bit drunk, I’m not. She claims she isn’t. whatever.
She is such an alcoholic.
We’re still at some Italian party, we’ve not figured out what it is for. My spelling is really going out of the window. It took me 6 attemts to write ‘figured’. Shat. I am leaning on one elbow though, infront of the tv. We had to move the fucking computer, sorry, I moved the fucking computer whilst Lauren sat on her ass and watched me with a ‘you do the work’ grin.
I’m a bit drunk actually. I’d rate it at 3/10. Lauren is trying to take advantage me of me. I slaped her. (not very hard though). Mord drnk.
Hendy is sitting like a slag, he is a slag. I just remembered jkennfiers new years resolution “TO STOP FUCKINGN SWEARING” so funny.
I am REALLY worried about Lauren kickignn the restrart button on this compuer, and losing all of this docyment. (…I just saved it, don’t worry!) Lauren is watching the film properly now, although she does have hiccups.
I think I’m going to have to go for my first piss break soon. I’ll schedule it inn for 5 minutes time. Lauren better not nick any of my stuff when I’m gnoe.
Ha ha, laurens hiccups make me laugh.. she’s gone for a drink to ‘cure it’.. whatever.
WOW, THE SCENE HAS CHANGEd.
We’re being introduced to some downtown place, with what reminds me of some 1950’s music. (Lauren is back, her ‘7 sip, 3 gulp remedy‘ always works) – bollocks to that.
..
.
..
I don’t tghink this mixed sex review pair thing is the best idea ever.
Lauren has spotted a horse – she made the prediction that it will be the one found in the bed later on in the plot.
I REALLY CANT WAIT FOR THAT.
Lauren can’t work the remote control, she makes me laugh because of her retyardedness. So cute.
I can hear crickets, they remind me of holiday in the sun, la la.
A BED, THE HORSES HEAD, JESUS CHRIST.
YESSSSSSSSS, RESULT. THIS IS THE EPITONE OF MY LIFE, EVERYTHIGN UPTO THIS POINT HAS BEEN LEADING INTO THIS ONE MOMENT, AND NOW I AM COMPLETE, AND NOW I MIGHT AS WELL DROP DEAD, I’LL LIE ON THE FLOOR FOR A SECOND AND SEE WHAT LAUREN DOES. (LAUREN WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE PRECITIONAR)
Hendy spilt barcari on my phonem, then procededd to lick it. He wwent tog et a nother beer but hit his toe on the chair in the process and yowled in pain for a few secnomds. He now has tissue(collected from the kitchen) and has just realised there is tissue in the study.
“I think we have all learnt somethingfrom that experience and now I am going for a wee” words form the wise mans mouth himself.
Back to the film.
So, we’ve only had like 5 units each. Hah. Drinking is so much less effort when It doesn’t kate verymmuch for effect on the eeeeeeee.
Lauren dribbled on my shirt, and then claims that it wasn’;t her. Her defence is “IT WASN’T ME”
She kicked over the fucking bottle again, LUCKILY this time I caught it, she’s such a liability. But cuteish. Yeh, she’s alright… not too shabby.
Yeh, so after that 20 minute lapse from the film, we’ve had some shooting, and its quie exciting, the second most exciting this to to the ‘horse in bed’ thing. A man is crying, and another man is dead. “the blood looks like ketychup” says Lauren. I don’t think they had invented ketchu[ then.
We jst had a quick chat about her counter-striek gaming expoints earlier. She killed 5 whole people, including one with the first clip of a desert eagle, on the first game restrt.
VIOLENCE – pushing man against wall. In kitchen with nasty yellow tiles.
I have tio shimmy to reach the E button. Eee, I’m tickelish. Eeee. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Drinkkkkkkkkk
Banging a barcardi bottle on laurens head makes an amusingly pitched noise. I’m not psychotic you know. WEAPONS OD MASS DESTRUCTION. Giggle., WAR
It’s getting hot in herem, 21 degrees now, it was 19 erlier.
“I’M GOING O T TAKE A PISS!!” – LAUREN
Damn that made me laugh
I’ll ve buggered if she wakes up my parents and the get annoyed.
Right.. sooo, 1 hour and 5 minutes into the film. Probably not watched mostr of it, due to writing this aborted
mess of English language, and trying to stop Lauren from breaking things.
She’s back from her toilet break, and standing at the door, not sure qwhat to do.
Hendy – “did you have a nice wee Lauren”
Lauren – “yes, it was very good, run out of toilet paper though, you have ryun out of toilet paper thoug”
Hendy – “hendy”
Hendy – “heh”
Lauren – “heh”
Hendy – “I always do that, leave the toilet paper dispenser with no paper, pisses my mother off so much”
Lauren – “heh”
Hendy – “heh”
Moer drink!1
Lauren is impressed that the car has white rubber wheels/tyres. She supposes that this is the 1920s style.
Heh, I just let ouit a mother of a belch. Love that word. Hjeh, she scratched mu belly and it makes my foot twitch. Like in Austin powers, meeee
e.
A man is beating another man up. I dno’t give ashite nast tml blehh.
Lol
Shadow puppets.
Hendy has gone to sleep. The mouse has just fallen off the table.
Oh yeah, in the film, some people are shoutung at each other. Tey wear waistcoeats. And ties. Tres smart. Fuck it I have hiccups again.
(Lauren went to find water, I shall now abandon the film and go into the other room.. too late, she came back).
Bleh. I warned her to not fall over on our waxed kitchen floor, she almost did fall over. She laughed to herself.
Lauren – “do you actually know what the godfather is about, is it about godfathers”
Hendy – “no, I havn’t really been watching it, I’mm trying to follow through wiyth the title of this piece ‘the slaughting of a classic’ and what better way to slaughter it by paying absolutely no attention to the film, and just writing about myself.”
Lauren has lost the wire
Less moyuse
More drink
More drink
DREMK.
BRA
I’m glaf u dob’nt wear a bra. (hendy)
Hendy – “I need a wee ..*sets stauts to away* I hope I havfe a good wee, I’m, quite looking forward to it.” Lauren (motherly voice) – “go on then, go anf have your wee”
Both – lol’inmg
MING
VASE
Lol
Ahem
MINOR MISHAP. Lauren has sat on the remote, and so the film has disappeared from the screen. This might prove aproblem is the reviewing process. It was actually hendy who sat in th remote but he doent want to admit to his stupidity, to hide from the shame he has gone for yet anoter piss.
In the film,another man has jut been killed in a deserted restaurant. There is a newspaprr montage of headlines, quite a good way of expressing the importance of he killing,now a man playes ther piano, badly,or goodly. I am not sure.
Hendy is taking a very long piss, I think he has gone to get more alcohol form the garage, I am not sure.
The mose is stikll lost.
So 1heures 32 minutes et 28 seconds into the film, and we give it a 5ish/10 so far. From what I have gathered, quite a few people have died and there is now a mann in a hospital bned, perhaps about to die. Hedy just burbed three times. Again.
More beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer.
Hendy laughs.
A famiky dinner seems to be taking place inth efilm, perhaps this ymbolises the strong family bonds there ar between many Italian gangster families, we are not too certain. Now there are subtitles ont the tv, whuich I cannot readas it is too far away and it is almost swirly.
Yet another wedding is taking place, it hink it is between different people, I hope so, if it isn’t then it means the film is on loop and we have seen half of it asgain.
< large break taken up by momentary sleeping and more drinking>
There is a baby!!!! When did that happen?
Moer killing, this time it is vey graphic, a man was killed by machine gun fired at poin blankish range. A man is looking sad. I hope this film finishes soon. 1 hour 59 minutes. Only half an hour left a\ccording o my sources. More men are looking sad, hendty is drinking more beer, all my barcardi has gone :( this is definitely the drunken movie chsllaenge.
Hendy seems to ave gone somewhere, not sure exactly where though=0 he has returned now,he went to the outside toilet. Nowhe shallgo and make me toast. Avec honey.
“brb” – hendy The toast went cold, and doesn’t taste vey nice anymore ?
We attempted to see the end of the film properly, which happened to a certain extent. Hedy fell asleep I think, he says it was a very good sleep as far as slepping standards go. It was more a a nap really. This is being written at 4.45 am, the film finished a little while ago and none can remember how it finished.
I think this concludeds our drunk movie rewiew and the slaughtering of a classic has most definitely taken place. I cannot honestly write nout anymore as I am a bit tooooooo drunk and tired.
Written by Hendy and Lauren
Intro – bald man. Big moustache. Wow I just spellt mioustache right. The man has a florer in his jacket.
May I spend a few seconds intrducing myself, I am Robert hendy, and I am one half of this ‘drunken movie review TEAM’. Apart from providing the venue and drink, I am also supplying the illigitemate copy of ‘the godfather’ which we are currently watching.
The second scene has just started, which is a wedding, there is much merry dancing, which I am not very impressed about – after only 1 can of beer. The first scene was pretty bad, just a bald man saying something which I couldn’t hear because the sound wasn’t turned up high enough.
I’ve so far grasped that this film is something about Italians, possibly later in the storyline it will develop into a Italian gang culture thing, which seems a bit cheesy. Their names remind me of the teenage ninja mutant turtles. I think I’d appreciare It with a few more drinks. Lauren is feeding me barcardi. Orange.
..
Few minute gap.
..
Back to the man who was in the intro, the guy with the flower. I just got told a brief anecdote about how Lauren’s parents were going to name her ‘fleur’ which is French for ‘flower’.
There is a lady in a big hat.
So far I give ‘the godfather’ a 3/10, it is quite boring, nobody has died yet, and the camera-angle switching is very slow, I feel sleepy. The highlights of the movie are ‘the horses head in the bed’ although I this bit hasn’t happened yet.
More drink.
“wheres the drink?”
Lauren “we’re only 15 ninutes in”
HENDY “I hate this film”
SNEEZE (hendy)
Strange Italian singing
SCREAMING (fake0)
Lauren (GCSE textiles) says that her dress is quite crap, the seams are probably badly done. There are a lot of actors though, a big number of extras.
Lauren is a bit drunk, I’m not. She claims she isn’t. whatever.
She is such an alcoholic.
We’re still at some Italian party, we’ve not figured out what it is for. My spelling is really going out of the window. It took me 6 attemts to write ‘figured’. Shat. I am leaning on one elbow though, infront of the tv. We had to move the fucking computer, sorry, I moved the fucking computer whilst Lauren sat on her ass and watched me with a ‘you do the work’ grin.
I’m a bit drunk actually. I’d rate it at 3/10. Lauren is trying to take advantage me of me. I slaped her. (not very hard though). Mord drnk.
Hendy is sitting like a slag, he is a slag. I just remembered jkennfiers new years resolution “TO STOP FUCKINGN SWEARING” so funny.
I am REALLY worried about Lauren kickignn the restrart button on this compuer, and losing all of this docyment. (…I just saved it, don’t worry!) Lauren is watching the film properly now, although she does have hiccups.
I think I’m going to have to go for my first piss break soon. I’ll schedule it inn for 5 minutes time. Lauren better not nick any of my stuff when I’m gnoe.
Ha ha, laurens hiccups make me laugh.. she’s gone for a drink to ‘cure it’.. whatever.
WOW, THE SCENE HAS CHANGEd.
We’re being introduced to some downtown place, with what reminds me of some 1950’s music. (Lauren is back, her ‘7 sip, 3 gulp remedy‘ always works) – bollocks to that.
..
.
..
I don’t tghink this mixed sex review pair thing is the best idea ever.
Lauren has spotted a horse – she made the prediction that it will be the one found in the bed later on in the plot.
I REALLY CANT WAIT FOR THAT.
Lauren can’t work the remote control, she makes me laugh because of her retyardedness. So cute.
I can hear crickets, they remind me of holiday in the sun, la la.
A BED, THE HORSES HEAD, JESUS CHRIST.
YESSSSSSSSS, RESULT. THIS IS THE EPITONE OF MY LIFE, EVERYTHIGN UPTO THIS POINT HAS BEEN LEADING INTO THIS ONE MOMENT, AND NOW I AM COMPLETE, AND NOW I MIGHT AS WELL DROP DEAD, I’LL LIE ON THE FLOOR FOR A SECOND AND SEE WHAT LAUREN DOES. (LAUREN WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE PRECITIONAR)
Hendy spilt barcari on my phonem, then procededd to lick it. He wwent tog et a nother beer but hit his toe on the chair in the process and yowled in pain for a few secnomds. He now has tissue(collected from the kitchen) and has just realised there is tissue in the study.
“I think we have all learnt somethingfrom that experience and now I am going for a wee” words form the wise mans mouth himself.
Back to the film.
So, we’ve only had like 5 units each. Hah. Drinking is so much less effort when It doesn’t kate verymmuch for effect on the eeeeeeee.
Lauren dribbled on my shirt, and then claims that it wasn’;t her. Her defence is “IT WASN’T ME”
She kicked over the fucking bottle again, LUCKILY this time I caught it, she’s such a liability. But cuteish. Yeh, she’s alright… not too shabby.
Yeh, so after that 20 minute lapse from the film, we’ve had some shooting, and its quie exciting, the second most exciting this to to the ‘horse in bed’ thing. A man is crying, and another man is dead. “the blood looks like ketychup” says Lauren. I don’t think they had invented ketchu[ then.
We jst had a quick chat about her counter-striek gaming expoints earlier. She killed 5 whole people, including one with the first clip of a desert eagle, on the first game restrt.
VIOLENCE – pushing man against wall. In kitchen with nasty yellow tiles.
I have tio shimmy to reach the E button. Eee, I’m tickelish. Eeee. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Drinkkkkkkkkk
Banging a barcardi bottle on laurens head makes an amusingly pitched noise. I’m not psychotic you know. WEAPONS OD MASS DESTRUCTION. Giggle., WAR
It’s getting hot in herem, 21 degrees now, it was 19 erlier.
“I’M GOING O T TAKE A PISS!!” – LAUREN
Damn that made me laugh
I’ll ve buggered if she wakes up my parents and the get annoyed.
Right.. sooo, 1 hour and 5 minutes into the film. Probably not watched mostr of it, due to writing this aborted
mess of English language, and trying to stop Lauren from breaking things.
She’s back from her toilet break, and standing at the door, not sure qwhat to do.
Hendy – “did you have a nice wee Lauren”
Lauren – “yes, it was very good, run out of toilet paper though, you have ryun out of toilet paper thoug”
Hendy – “hendy”
Hendy – “heh”
Lauren – “heh”
Hendy – “I always do that, leave the toilet paper dispenser with no paper, pisses my mother off so much”
Lauren – “heh”
Hendy – “heh”
Moer drink!1
Lauren is impressed that the car has white rubber wheels/tyres. She supposes that this is the 1920s style.
Heh, I just let ouit a mother of a belch. Love that word. Hjeh, she scratched mu belly and it makes my foot twitch. Like in Austin powers, meeee
e.
A man is beating another man up. I dno’t give a
Lol
Shadow puppets.
Hendy has gone to sleep. The mouse has just fallen off the table.
Oh yeah, in the film, some people are shoutung at each other. Tey wear waistcoeats. And ties. Tres smart. Fuck it I have hiccups again.
(Lauren went to find water, I shall now abandon the film and go into the other room.. too late, she came back).
Bleh. I warned her to not fall over on our waxed kitchen floor, she almost did fall over. She laughed to herself.
Lauren – “do you actually know what the godfather is about, is it about godfathers”
Hendy – “no, I havn’t really been watching it, I’mm trying to follow through wiyth the title of this piece ‘the slaughting of a classic’ and what better way to slaughter it by paying absolutely no attention to the film, and just writing about myself.”
Lauren has lost the wire
Less moyuse
More drink
More drink
DREMK.
BRA
I’m glaf u dob’nt wear a bra. (hendy)
Hendy – “I need a wee ..*sets stauts to away* I hope I havfe a good wee, I’m, quite looking forward to it.” Lauren (motherly voice) – “go on then, go anf have your wee”
Both – lol’inmg
MING
VASE
Lol
Ahem
MINOR MISHAP. Lauren has sat on the remote, and so the film has disappeared from the screen. This might prove aproblem is the reviewing process. It was actually hendy who sat in th remote but he doent want to admit to his stupidity, to hide from the shame he has gone for yet anoter piss.
In the film,another man has jut been killed in a deserted restaurant. There is a newspaprr montage of headlines, quite a good way of expressing the importance of he killing,now a man playes ther piano, badly,or goodly. I am not sure.
Hendy is taking a very long piss, I think he has gone to get more alcohol form the garage, I am not sure.
The mose is stikll lost.
So 1heures 32 minutes et 28 seconds into the film, and we give it a 5ish/10 so far. From what I have gathered, quite a few people have died and there is now a mann in a hospital bned, perhaps about to die. Hedy just burbed three times. Again.
More beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer.
Hendy laughs.
A famiky dinner seems to be taking place inth efilm, perhaps this ymbolises the strong family bonds there ar between many Italian gangster families, we are not too certain. Now there are subtitles ont the tv, whuich I cannot readas it is too far away and it is almost swirly.
Yet another wedding is taking place, it hink it is between different people, I hope so, if it isn’t then it means the film is on loop and we have seen half of it asgain.
< large break taken up by momentary sleeping and more drinking>
There is a baby!!!! When did that happen?
Moer killing, this time it is vey graphic, a man was killed by machine gun fired at poin blankish range. A man is looking sad. I hope this film finishes soon. 1 hour 59 minutes. Only half an hour left a\ccording o my sources. More men are looking sad, hendty is drinking more beer, all my barcardi has gone :( this is definitely the drunken movie chsllaenge.
Hendy seems to ave gone somewhere, not sure exactly where though=0 he has returned now,he went to the outside toilet. Nowhe shallgo and make me toast. Avec honey.
“brb” – hendy The toast went cold, and doesn’t taste vey nice anymore ?
We attempted to see the end of the film properly, which happened to a certain extent. Hedy fell asleep I think, he says it was a very good sleep as far as slepping standards go. It was more a a nap really. This is being written at 4.45 am, the film finished a little while ago and none can remember how it finished.
I think this concludeds our drunk movie rewiew and the slaughtering of a classic has most definitely taken place. I cannot honestly write nout anymore as I am a bit tooooooo drunk and tired.
Written by Hendy and Lauren