MAIN » ARTICLES65 things you don't need to know about (Iain) Rawson
The contents of this article (and indeed the information that is hereafter to be referred to as "factual") is based entirely on the subject's response to a questionnaire/psychological profiling exam, which was completed of his own accord, over 15 months after it was originally sent out to associates of TON.
Anyway, here are some of the things there is no point in you knowing:
" Who do you really know? Do you know yourself? Do you know your family? Do you know your close friends, your enemies or your neighbours? More importantly, do you know me - or do you just THINK that you know me? I answered a few questions - some suggestive in their intended response, others asking for a direct answer to a question. None of the questions being relevant or important to anyone bar those involved in the questioning and answering but all being relevant in describing the true character of the individuals involved. I give you an investigation into me. Rawson."
1. Rawson claims that the first time he ever looked at this website was in June 2001. However, the site originally went online in September 2000 and one of its early articles was entitled The Iain (Rawson) Study (now an on-running feature article). Does he expect us to believe he didn't look at the site for the first 10 months? We all know better.
2. If a blind man was lying in the middle of the street, heard Rawson walking past and asked for directions, the only thing he'd say is "stand up".
3. Chocolate never worries him.
4. He believes one hand in the bird is worth significantly more than two hands in the bush.
5. He would rather live in Japan than Jamaica, Uruguay and the Ukraine.
6. If Rawson worked on a farm in Uganda and earned £22 a day to support his family, he would you rather pay £5 a day for water than walk 7 miles to a well and get it for free.
7. Rawson thinks we as a society pay too much for Takeaway Pizzas, but not for Milk, Class-A drugs or Diamond rings.
8. Claims to know Robert Hendy better than Alan Edkins.
9. If his phone rang right now, he would answer it.
10. The first thing he does after waking up in the morning is: "Realise that whatever I choose to do that day, I'll probably end back exactly where I started – so what is really the point in getting out of bed in the firstplace."
11. He didn't have a real Christmas tree in 2002.
12. Doesn't use an CCTV to monitor things around him, but says somebody called "the man" does.
13. If he was standing in the middle of an infinately large field, he would definately face outwards.
14. Wishes the godfather of soul James Brown was Australian.
15. If you say the words Rex and Fishing to Rawson, he will immediately think of Rex Hunt Fishing Adventures.
16. Prefers Blur over Oasis.
17. In response to the question, "Was Robin Hood really the prince of thieves, or just a dirty criminal?", Rawson called him a "dirty diva".
18. Can't see anybody from where he's sitting.
19. He won't know what is on television because he doesn't have one.
20. If he had to choose between heaven as a small cardboard box in space, or a large cardboard box inside that small box, he would like heaven to be the larger one, "for safety".
21. If he was a lesbian, Rawson would have long blonde hair.
22. Knows where the Ipswich Chinese Community is. "Near the Odeon Cinema, on the right of the door to the Carribbean Community, which has a door three times as wide. It has a white door with red writing depicting its existence".
23. Wouldn't hestitate to label a plate of chips as "classic".
24. If you say Take That to Rawson, he will.
25. Says the last song he heard was Tattoo by Bjork.
26. The most important day of Rawson's year is the first one.
27. Has no idea what the Bosko Report is.
28. Does enjoy the White Stripes video for Seven Nation Army.
29. Claims that the Scroll Lock on standard keyboards is to "stop the screen mid-scroll", but refuses to prove it.
30. He is well, and thanks you for asking.
31. Everything is wireless, however Rawson has a green cable between the AP and the wall.
32. He can name 5 Elton John songs, and they are: The train don’t stop here anymore, candle in the wind, I want love, sacrifice, the bitch is back.
33. Lived in Ipswich 10 years ago.
34. Didn't say that Die Another Day was the worst Bond film, however did say it was "pretty poor" although he couldn't really remember it.
35. Knows how to calculate an average speed.
36. Associates "lots of Jumping" with the film Space Jam.
37. Rawson would only let David Seaman come into his house if it was an emergency.
38. George is the first thing that comes into his mind when you say the word Bush.
39. You say "how big", he says "very".
40. God appears out of nowhere and tells Rawson that either him or one of his best friends had to lose both of their legs, he asks him to choose. Rawson chooses a new god.
41. Doesn't have a clue what the 4th track on (What's the Story) Morning Glory is.
42. If you ask him if it's better than track 3, he is most likely to say that they are probably very much alike.
43. Isn't sure whether too many cooks cook too much food, but says they still spoil the broth.
44. The size of broadsheet newspapers doesn't annoy Rawson when he's trying to eat cereal and catch up with world affairs at the same time, because he thinks they don't exist much anymore due to resizing.
45. He's a bad girl, but he likes it that way.
46. He thinks the light is white.
47. If asked to name two sizes of FedEx boxes from the 2002 range, will choose 5Kg and 10Kg.
48. Prefers Sega to Nintendo.
49. Rawson says in France they call supermarkets "hypermarkets".
50. He jokes that Russians are just people who need to get things done quicker than Slowans.
51. If a friend gives him £300 for no reason, he will take it and say "cheers".
52. If he found himself offering a friend £300 himself, he says it would probably be because he did something embarassing to something/someone they know/love.
53. Jokes are funny, especially when you're drunk, as long as they aren't too complicated. According to Rawson.
54. If he saved somebody's life, he would want the recognition for doing it, rather than remaining anonymous in the local press.
55. Says Kumquats are small and egg-shaped, orange to yellow in colour.
56. Thinks London bridge is in Canada.
57. If Rawson fell out of a plane without a parachute at 15,000 feet, he would think that at least he was dying happily on the way down.
58. Rawson is floating in the middle of space. He has three matches - one to his left, one to his right and one in front of him. He says he would light the one on the right first. God knows how, or indeed why.
59. Says the future does happen, but when it's in the process of happening, we call it the present.
60. Rawson is standing in an alleyway and needs to get to the other end. There is one large puddle spreading the whole length of it. He thinks the best way to get down there without getting wet is by wearing "wellington boots".
61. He says space dementia is a severe mental problem.
62. Doesn't hesitate to say that flying monkeys would be superior to regular ones.
63. He doesn't think the grass is very green anymore.
64. Thinks Robert Hendy once reviewed the film Gladiator just by looking at its title. (I think it was actually John Cheese at pointlesswasteoftime.com, but I could be wrong.)
65. Thinks he is male.
Answers by I. Rawson, edited by J. King
Anyway, here are some of the things there is no point in you knowing:
" Who do you really know? Do you know yourself? Do you know your family? Do you know your close friends, your enemies or your neighbours? More importantly, do you know me - or do you just THINK that you know me? I answered a few questions - some suggestive in their intended response, others asking for a direct answer to a question. None of the questions being relevant or important to anyone bar those involved in the questioning and answering but all being relevant in describing the true character of the individuals involved. I give you an investigation into me. Rawson."
1. Rawson claims that the first time he ever looked at this website was in June 2001. However, the site originally went online in September 2000 and one of its early articles was entitled The Iain (Rawson) Study (now an on-running feature article). Does he expect us to believe he didn't look at the site for the first 10 months? We all know better.
2. If a blind man was lying in the middle of the street, heard Rawson walking past and asked for directions, the only thing he'd say is "stand up".
3. Chocolate never worries him.
4. He believes one hand in the bird is worth significantly more than two hands in the bush.
5. He would rather live in Japan than Jamaica, Uruguay and the Ukraine.
6. If Rawson worked on a farm in Uganda and earned £22 a day to support his family, he would you rather pay £5 a day for water than walk 7 miles to a well and get it for free.
7. Rawson thinks we as a society pay too much for Takeaway Pizzas, but not for Milk, Class-A drugs or Diamond rings.
8. Claims to know Robert Hendy better than Alan Edkins.
9. If his phone rang right now, he would answer it.
10. The first thing he does after waking up in the morning is: "Realise that whatever I choose to do that day, I'll probably end back exactly where I started – so what is really the point in getting out of bed in the firstplace."
11. He didn't have a real Christmas tree in 2002.
12. Doesn't use an CCTV to monitor things around him, but says somebody called "the man" does.
13. If he was standing in the middle of an infinately large field, he would definately face outwards.
14. Wishes the godfather of soul James Brown was Australian.
15. If you say the words Rex and Fishing to Rawson, he will immediately think of Rex Hunt Fishing Adventures.
16. Prefers Blur over Oasis.
17. In response to the question, "Was Robin Hood really the prince of thieves, or just a dirty criminal?", Rawson called him a "dirty diva".
18. Can't see anybody from where he's sitting.
19. He won't know what is on television because he doesn't have one.
20. If he had to choose between heaven as a small cardboard box in space, or a large cardboard box inside that small box, he would like heaven to be the larger one, "for safety".
21. If he was a lesbian, Rawson would have long blonde hair.
22. Knows where the Ipswich Chinese Community is. "Near the Odeon Cinema, on the right of the door to the Carribbean Community, which has a door three times as wide. It has a white door with red writing depicting its existence".
23. Wouldn't hestitate to label a plate of chips as "classic".
24. If you say Take That to Rawson, he will.
25. Says the last song he heard was Tattoo by Bjork.
26. The most important day of Rawson's year is the first one.
27. Has no idea what the Bosko Report is.
28. Does enjoy the White Stripes video for Seven Nation Army.
29. Claims that the Scroll Lock on standard keyboards is to "stop the screen mid-scroll", but refuses to prove it.
30. He is well, and thanks you for asking.
31. Everything is wireless, however Rawson has a green cable between the AP and the wall.
32. He can name 5 Elton John songs, and they are: The train don’t stop here anymore, candle in the wind, I want love, sacrifice, the bitch is back.
33. Lived in Ipswich 10 years ago.
34. Didn't say that Die Another Day was the worst Bond film, however did say it was "pretty poor" although he couldn't really remember it.
35. Knows how to calculate an average speed.
36. Associates "lots of Jumping" with the film Space Jam.
37. Rawson would only let David Seaman come into his house if it was an emergency.
38. George is the first thing that comes into his mind when you say the word Bush.
39. You say "how big", he says "very".
40. God appears out of nowhere and tells Rawson that either him or one of his best friends had to lose both of their legs, he asks him to choose. Rawson chooses a new god.
41. Doesn't have a clue what the 4th track on (What's the Story) Morning Glory is.
42. If you ask him if it's better than track 3, he is most likely to say that they are probably very much alike.
43. Isn't sure whether too many cooks cook too much food, but says they still spoil the broth.
44. The size of broadsheet newspapers doesn't annoy Rawson when he's trying to eat cereal and catch up with world affairs at the same time, because he thinks they don't exist much anymore due to resizing.
45. He's a bad girl, but he likes it that way.
46. He thinks the light is white.
47. If asked to name two sizes of FedEx boxes from the 2002 range, will choose 5Kg and 10Kg.
48. Prefers Sega to Nintendo.
49. Rawson says in France they call supermarkets "hypermarkets".
50. He jokes that Russians are just people who need to get things done quicker than Slowans.
51. If a friend gives him £300 for no reason, he will take it and say "cheers".
52. If he found himself offering a friend £300 himself, he says it would probably be because he did something embarassing to something/someone they know/love.
53. Jokes are funny, especially when you're drunk, as long as they aren't too complicated. According to Rawson.
54. If he saved somebody's life, he would want the recognition for doing it, rather than remaining anonymous in the local press.
55. Says Kumquats are small and egg-shaped, orange to yellow in colour.
56. Thinks London bridge is in Canada.
57. If Rawson fell out of a plane without a parachute at 15,000 feet, he would think that at least he was dying happily on the way down.
58. Rawson is floating in the middle of space. He has three matches - one to his left, one to his right and one in front of him. He says he would light the one on the right first. God knows how, or indeed why.
59. Says the future does happen, but when it's in the process of happening, we call it the present.
60. Rawson is standing in an alleyway and needs to get to the other end. There is one large puddle spreading the whole length of it. He thinks the best way to get down there without getting wet is by wearing "wellington boots".
61. He says space dementia is a severe mental problem.
62. Doesn't hesitate to say that flying monkeys would be superior to regular ones.
63. He doesn't think the grass is very green anymore.
64. Thinks Robert Hendy once reviewed the film Gladiator just by looking at its title. (I think it was actually John Cheese at pointlesswasteoftime.com, but I could be wrong.)
65. Thinks he is male.
Answers by I. Rawson, edited by J. King