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This weekend I had my first experience of uni life, and what an experience it
was. I left home at around 12:00pm, and
headed for the bus stop. Then sadly, disaster struck (I had forgotton to pack my
hair gel), I ran back as fast as I could
with a suitcase full of what felt like rocks (big rocks, not small ones that
could be condsidered pebbles), obviously
it was actually filled with a large selection of multi-purpose sex toys.
Anyway, I got back to the bus stop but it was okay as the same old lady was there, so a bus had not been. The old lady seemed somewhat weary of the strapping young man standing next to her so I thought it would be a good idea to give her a courteous "hello". She gave me a smile in return, but not a friendly smile, a smile saying "If you talk to me again I'm going to smack you in the head with my handbag, rip your balls off and feed them to my novelty sized dog".
After a long and dangerous wait the bus eventually came. The bus journey was going well until Eyebrows got on the bus. She saw me and due to us "knowing each other" she waddled over with her recently reduced breasts and said "hi, how are you?". I gave the standard reply, "fine thanks, you?", she said "fine". She proceeded to sit on the chair behind me for more thrilling conversation. After a short but beautiful bit of silence she thought of something to say, "so where are you going?", I replied "to Cheltenham, to visit the boys at uni", she said "oh right, how's your course going over there?" (silly bitch) I continued to tell her the story I have to tell every single person when they ask me what I'm doing this year, which I'm not going into. She nodded and sat back into her chair showing her newly petit breasts. I thought about saying "don't you feel bad that some people don't have any boobs at all and you've just had half of your's cut off", but I decided this would probably be a bad move.
Finally I arrived at the train station at about 1:00pm, my train was at ten past so I had some time to kill. I smashed some blokes watch, then got on the train when it arrived on time. I had a small cramped seat with no table, so I had to fold myself up a bit (legs and cock). The journey to London was pretty un-eventful, I went to the toilet for a piss, which is great fun on a train as the tiolet is jumping all over the place, which is why it stinks of piss so much - some retards have problems getting it in the hole. Whilst taking a piss I considered the idea of wanking on the train, you wouldn't really have to do anything because the train bounces round so much, an interesting theory, one I did not try I hasten to add.
On arrival in London I got the tube (Hammersmith line) to Paddington where I got my train to Cheltenham. I read my mini-magazine to keep me awake, due to not having much sleep as I worked on Thursday night and had to get my train so I had to get up about 11:00am. I fell asleep briefly, and awoke because Kenny texted me to find out where I was. Due to sleeping sitting up my neck was killing me, I was like I had a viagra stuck in my throat.
The train arrived on time and I got off expecting the lads to jump all over me with hugs, but there was no one. I phoned Kenny and he said, "oh sorry man we're at the pub over the road", "cheeky bastards" I thought to myself. I walked over to the pub and their they were sipping away. We left the pub soon after and went to a small shop for some supplies then to the bus stop, a single to the campus cost me £1.60, which was quite hefty really for the distance, so I sucked the driver off and he gave me a 10p discount, bargain!
We arrived at the campus (Pittville) and it was smaller than what I was expecting, but aren't all things? I got a quick tour of all the rooms and met Arfyn (legend). We went back to Shieldsy's and I settled in. We played a game of Pro-Evo, and I remembered why I don't play footy games (because I play like an old man with his cock cut off and sitting in a jar of milk next to his broken window, where a magpie comes down and steals his cock and feeds it to his magpie children). After a few games we started to get ready for the night out. It had been desided we were going to a jazz club, an interesting prospect. Kenny came over and I gave him £20 to get booze for everyone as we were having a pre-piss up in Shieldsy's room.
The party got started with me, Shields, Ozzy, Kenny, Pat and Arf. In the time we were there I drank a bottle of wine and about half a small bottle of Vodka. You guys know me, I was wasted out of my mind. In this time I had a protein shake and pumped up my air bed because "it will save time later". At some point we went down the SU bar, and I had 2 pints of Guiness and a Smirnoff Ice. I don't remember much in the bar, and on that night i met a lot of people who over the weekend re-introduced themselves to me as on this first night I can't remember anything.
Later we caught the bus to town (don't remember the bus at all) where I proceeded to show everyone on the bus my 'cleavage', dance around abit and also the pink tiger returned, (must try to control this) supposedly everyone found it very funny, so that's alright.
We got to the jazz bar and I had another pint of Guinness (£5), I don't really remember the music but I think it was good. Supposedly I did a lot of shouting and trying to sing a long with songs I didn't even know. I also supposedly nearly fell asleep. I then stepped outside and vomited everywhere and fell to the floor, I had an almost complete circle around me, which is quite impressive really.
We then moved on to get some food from a kebab shop, I puked again in a doorway and then had some chips. I got a bit pissed off with Shields because I reckoned he was walking us the long way home and insisited I knew the way. We got back and I collasped in bed, and didn't wake till the next day. More storys from my trip will be coming soon...
Jameson
@sleeping
Anyway, I got back to the bus stop but it was okay as the same old lady was there, so a bus had not been. The old lady seemed somewhat weary of the strapping young man standing next to her so I thought it would be a good idea to give her a courteous "hello". She gave me a smile in return, but not a friendly smile, a smile saying "If you talk to me again I'm going to smack you in the head with my handbag, rip your balls off and feed them to my novelty sized dog".
After a long and dangerous wait the bus eventually came. The bus journey was going well until Eyebrows got on the bus. She saw me and due to us "knowing each other" she waddled over with her recently reduced breasts and said "hi, how are you?". I gave the standard reply, "fine thanks, you?", she said "fine". She proceeded to sit on the chair behind me for more thrilling conversation. After a short but beautiful bit of silence she thought of something to say, "so where are you going?", I replied "to Cheltenham, to visit the boys at uni", she said "oh right, how's your course going over there?" (silly bitch) I continued to tell her the story I have to tell every single person when they ask me what I'm doing this year, which I'm not going into. She nodded and sat back into her chair showing her newly petit breasts. I thought about saying "don't you feel bad that some people don't have any boobs at all and you've just had half of your's cut off", but I decided this would probably be a bad move.
Finally I arrived at the train station at about 1:00pm, my train was at ten past so I had some time to kill. I smashed some blokes watch, then got on the train when it arrived on time. I had a small cramped seat with no table, so I had to fold myself up a bit (legs and cock). The journey to London was pretty un-eventful, I went to the toilet for a piss, which is great fun on a train as the tiolet is jumping all over the place, which is why it stinks of piss so much - some retards have problems getting it in the hole. Whilst taking a piss I considered the idea of wanking on the train, you wouldn't really have to do anything because the train bounces round so much, an interesting theory, one I did not try I hasten to add.
On arrival in London I got the tube (Hammersmith line) to Paddington where I got my train to Cheltenham. I read my mini-magazine to keep me awake, due to not having much sleep as I worked on Thursday night and had to get my train so I had to get up about 11:00am. I fell asleep briefly, and awoke because Kenny texted me to find out where I was. Due to sleeping sitting up my neck was killing me, I was like I had a viagra stuck in my throat.
The train arrived on time and I got off expecting the lads to jump all over me with hugs, but there was no one. I phoned Kenny and he said, "oh sorry man we're at the pub over the road", "cheeky bastards" I thought to myself. I walked over to the pub and their they were sipping away. We left the pub soon after and went to a small shop for some supplies then to the bus stop, a single to the campus cost me £1.60, which was quite hefty really for the distance, so I sucked the driver off and he gave me a 10p discount, bargain!
We arrived at the campus (Pittville) and it was smaller than what I was expecting, but aren't all things? I got a quick tour of all the rooms and met Arfyn (legend). We went back to Shieldsy's and I settled in. We played a game of Pro-Evo, and I remembered why I don't play footy games (because I play like an old man with his cock cut off and sitting in a jar of milk next to his broken window, where a magpie comes down and steals his cock and feeds it to his magpie children). After a few games we started to get ready for the night out. It had been desided we were going to a jazz club, an interesting prospect. Kenny came over and I gave him £20 to get booze for everyone as we were having a pre-piss up in Shieldsy's room.
The party got started with me, Shields, Ozzy, Kenny, Pat and Arf. In the time we were there I drank a bottle of wine and about half a small bottle of Vodka. You guys know me, I was wasted out of my mind. In this time I had a protein shake and pumped up my air bed because "it will save time later". At some point we went down the SU bar, and I had 2 pints of Guiness and a Smirnoff Ice. I don't remember much in the bar, and on that night i met a lot of people who over the weekend re-introduced themselves to me as on this first night I can't remember anything.
Later we caught the bus to town (don't remember the bus at all) where I proceeded to show everyone on the bus my 'cleavage', dance around abit and also the pink tiger returned, (must try to control this) supposedly everyone found it very funny, so that's alright.
We got to the jazz bar and I had another pint of Guinness (£5), I don't really remember the music but I think it was good. Supposedly I did a lot of shouting and trying to sing a long with songs I didn't even know. I also supposedly nearly fell asleep. I then stepped outside and vomited everywhere and fell to the floor, I had an almost complete circle around me, which is quite impressive really.
We then moved on to get some food from a kebab shop, I puked again in a doorway and then had some chips. I got a bit pissed off with Shields because I reckoned he was walking us the long way home and insisited I knew the way. We got back and I collasped in bed, and didn't wake till the next day. More storys from my trip will be coming soon...
Jameson
@sleeping