MAIN » ARTICLESJameson: On Women II, The Second Encounter
Editor's Note:
Whilst some of this article has been edited, for spelling errors and grammatical mistakes that interrupted the flow of the piece, I have strived to keep it as close to the original text as possible. The original article can be found here.
Author's Note:
For the purpose of readers, please note that drugs in this article have had their names changed so if anyone glances over and has a read I won’t get in trouble. They will be called the following:
Leg of KFC chicken
Massive Orgasm
Furbies
It shouldn’t be too hard to work out what’s what…
So I’m back at uni, sitting in my house watching Vicar of Dibley, smoking a leg of KFC chicken, and writing an article for the online net. It’s certainly been a while; hopefully this can become a regular thing again, as I seem to have found a good muse, Furbies. That aside I better just make my apologies for this article, this goes out to any girl I’ve been with or plan to be with in the next 50 years. It’s fine when I’m 70 because even Countdown will turn me on. Talking of Countdown, have you noticed how old Des has got? He used to be so sprightly on match of the day… I mean one of their presenters has died recently so why bloody get someone else who’s about to snuff it. Anyway back to the apology, yes, girls I’m sorry but this may have some stuff in it that may upset you so it’s probably best you stop reading now…
Safe, they’ve gone, right chaps, the thing is: aren’t women mad? I mean, oh hang on, Chantal stop reading, step away from the computer…okay, women are the most mad, confusing, fit, funny, blood-inducing creatures on the planet. You have to be so damn careful what you say or your fucked, and they read into everything. You could say “alright” wrong and it could cause her to go upstairs and have a cry and call her friends and talk about you. I fucking hate that too. Let’s just say one of my ex-girlfriends was French and she always talked to one of my friends (a French speaker) in French all the time, right in front of me. So bloody rude, I proceed to head butt her in chest, actually I did that quite a lot, ummm, boobs, I love boobs, so much fun, little love pillows, this needs a paragraph.
Boobs
Boobs are great, I think when God was making them he must have been like, “hmmm, something just ain‘t right, you know, I like, I might, put some bits here that stick out, yes that’s good, fill ‘em up a bit, oooh this is fun” wobble, wobble. Yeah they really kick arse, I think boobs should be out as much as possible, well in most cases, I don’t really fancy seeing my Nana’s boobs or anything, though seeing how saggy they are might be a good line for a time to start going younger rather than older, though I guess it’s different for every boob, depending on bra quality, I mean if some girls been wearing a skimpy little lacy number, with suspenders and a whip, and some cream, probably a condom or three, oh yeah the bra, so yeah other woman in the super supported sports bra, with a hose and a car, lots of bubbles and a dirty little thong in pink with princess written on the back, and fuck me here on the front, the water drips from her hot sweaty body as she gently touches herself, I go over offer her a cigarette and some sex, she agrees, I whack out Johnny Vegas and begin to destroy her, she fucks like a donkey on crack, and I love every minute, I let her orgasm six times, she begins to cry, she tells me she is a virgin, I wondered why her pussy was so tight and moist, Like a tender baby’s arse, I feel it coming, I slip it out just before and shoot man juice in her eye. I get up, zip up and throw her a tenner, fuck me I’ve completely forgot what I was talking about, I really should have pulled one off before starting this. Oh yes, because of her sports bra her boobs had better support and so may not sag so quickly.
Right I’m going to talk about Porn: At the moment I have 63gig of porn clips or movies if you will. It rocks, some people say why do you need so much, I reply “Why not?” I mean because there’s so much, you kinder forget you’ve seen one then its like new or sentimental porn, like Eurotrash, yeah its shit but it makes you remember the good old days, in the beginning, staying up till 11pm on Thursdays, release the monkey then go to bed, you just had to make sure you were done by the end or you had to wank to the credits with the shit song, which was ok sometimes, when the naked girls were dancing. Talking about sex quite a bit, its because I’m pretty baked, I’ve had quite a lot of KFC tonight, and that always makes me horny, though stoned sex is great, lasts for ages and the end is amazing, a recommend it, takes a bit of training, the corporal doesn’t want to come out of the bedroom sometimes when you start, but when you get it, its great. Anyway, right, think I’ll stop talking about sex I mean it does involve women, unless alone or gay.
Lesbians, aren’t they great, to be frank, no, all the real lesbians are rubbish, fat, smelly (fish), and usually shouty. Porn lesbians are good, I mean you don’t get a big cock in face like in the others, but then I like imagining I’m fucking her in his place, and I had a cock as big as his, I mean mine does the job and I haven’t had complaints, but I mean these things they’re like a fat, tall man holding a pint glass. Did you know that gay men have a fetish for boobs, they like to play with them and find them funny to watch wobble, you can take the straight out of a man but you can’t take away the boob love.
Right about time I got serious, we all remember those sad days in my life where I was sucked in by a family proud, Christian good girl. My god though she was a bitch, but anyway that’s in the past, I’ve paid my dues. Since then though I’ve kind of lost my lust for being with someone, as in a relationship, I mean occasionally I’ll think it would be nice to have someone to hold, but there’s just to much out there, so many people to meet, its way to early to be settling down, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you to meet a sole mate, I mean one day it just might happen, you meet a girl and fall in love with her , that does happen and I’m sure it will for me again. Just not feeling it at the moment, I mean I met a girl last night, slept with her but we didn’t have the sex, she definitely wanted it, but because I knew she wanted it, I didn’t give, then went home the next morning, swapped numbers, and sure enough she’s been texting me all evening. Give a little, get a lot.
Right I’m going to wrap this up as its two in the morning and its Family Guy time, I’ll probably have a leg of KFC chicken to, get me ready for porn time at three. Ah rubbish I didn’t use a massive orgasm, I was gonna tell a little story about the other night when I got fucked, had loads of KFC, Lines of Furbies and had three massive orgasms, and I’d been down the pub since two. Was a good day, got a lot achieved, and I got stoned with a 37 year old hippie protester, he even showed us newspaper clippings of when he got dragged away by police, classic chap!
Hope to be writing again soon, peace out, oh and girls who kept reading, I told you, please don’t hit me huni, I love you, I wrote it when I was younger and stupid.
Written by Jameson@ton
Whilst some of this article has been edited, for spelling errors and grammatical mistakes that interrupted the flow of the piece, I have strived to keep it as close to the original text as possible. The original article can be found here.
Author's Note:
For the purpose of readers, please note that drugs in this article have had their names changed so if anyone glances over and has a read I won’t get in trouble. They will be called the following:
It shouldn’t be too hard to work out what’s what…
So I’m back at uni, sitting in my house watching Vicar of Dibley, smoking a leg of KFC chicken, and writing an article for the online net. It’s certainly been a while; hopefully this can become a regular thing again, as I seem to have found a good muse, Furbies. That aside I better just make my apologies for this article, this goes out to any girl I’ve been with or plan to be with in the next 50 years. It’s fine when I’m 70 because even Countdown will turn me on. Talking of Countdown, have you noticed how old Des has got? He used to be so sprightly on match of the day… I mean one of their presenters has died recently so why bloody get someone else who’s about to snuff it. Anyway back to the apology, yes, girls I’m sorry but this may have some stuff in it that may upset you so it’s probably best you stop reading now…
Safe, they’ve gone, right chaps, the thing is: aren’t women mad? I mean, oh hang on, Chantal stop reading, step away from the computer…okay, women are the most mad, confusing, fit, funny, blood-inducing creatures on the planet. You have to be so damn careful what you say or your fucked, and they read into everything. You could say “alright” wrong and it could cause her to go upstairs and have a cry and call her friends and talk about you. I fucking hate that too. Let’s just say one of my ex-girlfriends was French and she always talked to one of my friends (a French speaker) in French all the time, right in front of me. So bloody rude, I proceed to head butt her in chest, actually I did that quite a lot, ummm, boobs, I love boobs, so much fun, little love pillows, this needs a paragraph.
Boobs
Boobs are great, I think when God was making them he must have been like, “hmmm, something just ain‘t right, you know, I like, I might, put some bits here that stick out, yes that’s good, fill ‘em up a bit, oooh this is fun” wobble, wobble. Yeah they really kick arse, I think boobs should be out as much as possible, well in most cases, I don’t really fancy seeing my Nana’s boobs or anything, though seeing how saggy they are might be a good line for a time to start going younger rather than older, though I guess it’s different for every boob, depending on bra quality, I mean if some girls been wearing a skimpy little lacy number, with suspenders and a whip, and some cream, probably a condom or three, oh yeah the bra, so yeah other woman in the super supported sports bra, with a hose and a car, lots of bubbles and a dirty little thong in pink with princess written on the back, and fuck me here on the front, the water drips from her hot sweaty body as she gently touches herself, I go over offer her a cigarette and some sex, she agrees, I whack out Johnny Vegas and begin to destroy her, she fucks like a donkey on crack, and I love every minute, I let her orgasm six times, she begins to cry, she tells me she is a virgin, I wondered why her pussy was so tight and moist, Like a tender baby’s arse, I feel it coming, I slip it out just before and shoot man juice in her eye. I get up, zip up and throw her a tenner, fuck me I’ve completely forgot what I was talking about, I really should have pulled one off before starting this. Oh yes, because of her sports bra her boobs had better support and so may not sag so quickly.
Right I’m going to talk about Porn: At the moment I have 63gig of porn clips or movies if you will. It rocks, some people say why do you need so much, I reply “Why not?” I mean because there’s so much, you kinder forget you’ve seen one then its like new or sentimental porn, like Eurotrash, yeah its shit but it makes you remember the good old days, in the beginning, staying up till 11pm on Thursdays, release the monkey then go to bed, you just had to make sure you were done by the end or you had to wank to the credits with the shit song, which was ok sometimes, when the naked girls were dancing. Talking about sex quite a bit, its because I’m pretty baked, I’ve had quite a lot of KFC tonight, and that always makes me horny, though stoned sex is great, lasts for ages and the end is amazing, a recommend it, takes a bit of training, the corporal doesn’t want to come out of the bedroom sometimes when you start, but when you get it, its great. Anyway, right, think I’ll stop talking about sex I mean it does involve women, unless alone or gay.
Lesbians, aren’t they great, to be frank, no, all the real lesbians are rubbish, fat, smelly (fish), and usually shouty. Porn lesbians are good, I mean you don’t get a big cock in face like in the others, but then I like imagining I’m fucking her in his place, and I had a cock as big as his, I mean mine does the job and I haven’t had complaints, but I mean these things they’re like a fat, tall man holding a pint glass. Did you know that gay men have a fetish for boobs, they like to play with them and find them funny to watch wobble, you can take the straight out of a man but you can’t take away the boob love.
Right about time I got serious, we all remember those sad days in my life where I was sucked in by a family proud, Christian good girl. My god though she was a bitch, but anyway that’s in the past, I’ve paid my dues. Since then though I’ve kind of lost my lust for being with someone, as in a relationship, I mean occasionally I’ll think it would be nice to have someone to hold, but there’s just to much out there, so many people to meet, its way to early to be settling down, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you to meet a sole mate, I mean one day it just might happen, you meet a girl and fall in love with her , that does happen and I’m sure it will for me again. Just not feeling it at the moment, I mean I met a girl last night, slept with her but we didn’t have the sex, she definitely wanted it, but because I knew she wanted it, I didn’t give, then went home the next morning, swapped numbers, and sure enough she’s been texting me all evening. Give a little, get a lot.
Right I’m going to wrap this up as its two in the morning and its Family Guy time, I’ll probably have a leg of KFC chicken to, get me ready for porn time at three. Ah rubbish I didn’t use a massive orgasm, I was gonna tell a little story about the other night when I got fucked, had loads of KFC, Lines of Furbies and had three massive orgasms, and I’d been down the pub since two. Was a good day, got a lot achieved, and I got stoned with a 37 year old hippie protester, he even showed us newspaper clippings of when he got dragged away by police, classic chap!
Hope to be writing again soon, peace out, oh and girls who kept reading, I told you, please don’t hit me huni, I love you, I wrote it when I was younger and stupid.
Written by Jameson@ton