A step by step guide…

… would not work in this situation, rule number one when writing an article for the online net – try to avoid making sense at all times. As soon as you make sense, people understand what you’re on about and finally realise just how shockingly ghastly it really is. (heh: ghastly)

my second piece of advice, dare I call this inane drivel advice is to always try and concentrate whilst writing an article, if you get distracted your writing will more often than not become disjointed and flammable. For example; I wrote two lines of this article before getting caught up watching Temptation Island 2 and recording Vintage Jazz onto minidisk.. so I shall be reading this article for my own means later on in my life.

Three, if you’re going to write an article, write an article. If you’re going to write an essay you should go somewhere else, I don’t want to read a book, that’s why I’m using a computer… long passages of text resemble pages of a book – so stay away from them. Be short, be to the point, direct and hard hitting, funny, interesting, creative and opinionated.

Give your article a title, but by no means stick to it. Restricting yourself to a topic, or writing in a straight line will never win you an Oscar, for many reasons. Spreading your wings and writing about whatever you feel like writing about is the way to go, don’t be scared to deliberately lose the plot – hell, why not through the plot out the window and write about something obviously not connected to your title. Throw your reader the wrong way and you confuse them, they’re confused, they have little control over their emotions, you’re in control.

Decide before you write your article, whether you want to interest, upset, insult, enlighten, stimulate or arouse your reader. Then structure the confusion toward your chosen emotive. If you want to be insulting then be insulting, there is little point in not even being true to yourself and your feelings. If there is something you don’t like then say you don’t like it, the internet allows the largest creative freedom available free or charge to anyone in the world – so abuse it.

My final point is, writing an article based around these points would make you a sheep, so make up your own rules, and then ignore them and just ****ing write.


Article Written by Jay
jay@theonlinenet.co.uk