Back in January it was now myself and the Robe: the online net's creators and personifications went on a journey. I did originally promise a review on the evening or day after the event but i'm lazy, he's lazy and we haven't really updated since then. All good things come to those who wait however, and so does this.

Summary:
Golf Balls Found: 5
Time taken: 2hrs 45mins
Pysical Condition afterwards: the Robe: 32%, Jay: 13%
Average Temperature: 12 degrees
Conditions: Wet with a cold south-easterly

Firstly, to get the Golf Course. The Robe was astounded by the distance we had to travel, and this was magnified when Jay decided to take a short cut that added 20 minutes to the journey. We had a map, but we didn't need it. Or so we thought. We arrived at Rushmere Golf Course and entered via the gaps between large anti-tank blocks seemingly there to prevent rival courses sabotaging Rushmere. As soon as we stepped beyond the invisible safety line, the fun started:

Estimated Time: 10:56
We'd just entered the course, and immediately saw the enemy, three men dressed in stockings and witch hats to the north, we gracefully leaped downstream and headed towards another hole. It was after examinging a patch of grass adjacent to the bushes on our right that Jay saw something white. The tension grew and indeed it turned out to be the first ball, however simply picking it up would have been too easy. We had to wait, crouching, in the bushes for a few minutes until golfers playing on the hole passed as we were unsure whether or not one of them owned the ball just metres from our feet. The passed and Jay lunged forward and grabbed the ball, and we slowly retreated and continued back along the path smiling like crazed lunatics.


Notes made during the day

Estimated Time: Sometime Later
We spent a long time crawling in bushes and finding nothing but mustard coloured beer cans, all of which may i add were empty. Morale started to drop but spurred on by our earlier find we kept searching and stumbled across the equivalant of the end of the rainbow. It may have appeared on the outside to be much like every other bush on the course, but this was a gold pot of joy and within we found ball number two and the third ball a few minutes later - the fourth joined in.

Within three minutes we have increased our findings by 400% and the Robe became so delireously happy he couldn't control himself and fell down a rabbit hole.

We were on rough terrain and the Robe was pushing to move on, find some new land, new oppotunities, but i said "hold on a minute". We waited for a minute, and then another ten until I proclaimed "A ball just landed in the bush, i'm going to grab it - and then we're going to run"... "are you ready?", the robe nodded and I grabbed, we sprinted off at maximum acceleration cackling as we went. We have captured our first "In play" ball and got away without being seen. This was the fifth and final ball and by now we were so excited it hurt, it really did.


The 5 Balls



After this, obviously, there were no more findings. We made our way around the perimeter of the course, in and about, here and there. We reached one of the corners and made our way to the local Beechwood Stores to buy a chocolate bar whilst waiting for some golfers to clear off Hole 17 where the Robe ensured me there would be a large collection of balls. He was eating a Twix at the time so I doubted him, and so did my Dark Chocolate Bounty.

After that hole, came another hole, and another and a few more after that but no more balls were collected. The weather was damp by now, not too bad but enough to send the Golfers packing, we reached some wasteland and could see no holes around, we stumbled across a football pitch within a fence and at this point we did wonder whether or not we were lost.

We were lost. The Robe really had no idea where he was going, and as designated navigator - he should have done. He proclaimed at one point "I know where we are - follow me", so I did, we walked for a few minutes before reaching a fence, a school fence. We studied the map and once again he proclaimed he knew where to go. So we walked back out of the dense forestry and along a bit further, then we turned south and walked parallel with our previous path only to once again reach a fence, a school fence, the same bloody fence as before.

Many minutes later:
We escaped from the course, and trekked our way down to KFC where I purchased a large Chicken Variety meal with Pepsi Max and 3 extra hot wings. Robe had a fillet burger please and we took the food back to HQ with all 5 balls securely fastened to the Robe's inner thigh.

All in all, the trip was a success and went beyond all our expectations. One day in the not so distant future we will return for The Great TON Golfball Challenge II.


Article Written by Jay
j666.16814.k00@ntlworld.com