how to hack: a guide


CHAPTER 2 machinery

Depending in which decade you were born in, the type of machinery that you are likely to be able to hack on will vary accordingly, refer to the graph below to see what type of machinery will be your forté.

NB If you have a beard, and are aged roughly 40 years old, ignore the chart, as you automatically fall into the 'elite' catagory.




As you can probably guess from previous life experience, rocks are not that hard to operate, and dont really require any training to be able to make maximum useage of. however they are a piece of equipment with fairly limited use as they can only be thrown or used to 'pound upon' from very close range, this means you cannot use them to assasinate the president of the USA, especially if you are in the UK, and even more especially if you are a girl, as you cant throw to save your life.

A calculator is a more complex piece of jiggery, there are between 10 and 30 buttons on the average model, and although you wont be able to hack into the mainframe, you will be able to compute some large figures. If you feel you are past the stages of a normal calculator, try moving to a scientific, or even a graphical calculator. with the former you can write funny words using the memory letters, which can keep you amused in maths lessons.

Moving up another level, we come to the microwave, this chunk of hardware can be quite lethal in its own way, producing so called 'micro waves' which apparently are dangerous, which is why supposedly, when you place your cat in the microwave, it explodes. Now, i havn't seen this done, but if you have a cat, im not saying dont try it, just make sure you get a picture. When trying to operate this machinery, at first dont be worried by the 'noises' it produces, these are just to warn the user of its power, and remember, with great power comes great responsibility, so always be wary.

The video and skybox combo is the first piece of integrated technology, this means that it is plugged into the PSTN [personal something telephone network] and hence you can use to hack into the mainframe, remotely, anonymously, and safely.



I cannot teach you any tricks for using this hardware, as i usually only require it for watching big brother, and playing the quite addictive games on interactive, however i have heard some quite hardcore stories of extreme skybox hacking, so do not underestimate.




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