Yes, everyone knows good old Lawrence and probably many a person knows I am his worst nightmare. Ever since I met him I have thrown hundreds of insults in his direction, some may call it bullying but I see it as plain fun. You can see it hurts him but this beast of a man has learnt to take it in his stride and he gets on with life. He does give way sometimes with really bad insults or crying. But a day I will never forget was sometime in year 8 I think, we were playing a nice form game of 40 40 or something and me and one of my partners in crime, Zagni held Lawrence back from the post so he lost. We had been extra horrid to the guy that day and it showed he exploded with insults tears and went mental at me obviously I did what any man would do in this situation, I ran. He took chase but he found he couldn’t run and ran straight into two girls knocking them down but he chased on. I was getting bored and tired (well I was fat back then) so I stopped. He arrived a few minutes later and started hitting my back with not much success he gave up eventually. Then at the end of lunch he forgave me, that's what I love he always forgives you.

Another encounter I remember was also a long time ago in the days of playing football on the field. We played as per usual and also as per usual Lawrence stood on playing with his yoyo which he could obviously not use. I called him a “sad little man with no friends who won’t even play football because your crap at it ha ha ha ha ha ha” or something like that. Everyone else agreed and as Lawrence ran off inside crying he did what he does best, sucks up. As I was happy with myself laughing with friends, he returned with Harriet Brunt, Sally Scrivener, Charlotte Pratt and Karen Larter. These four fighting ladies are enough to scare any man. Half my group joined Lawrence in a flash but I kept fighting. They went back inside and I found myself standing alone with Randy who also said “they have got a point” and left. Alone I stood out the rest of lunch. At the end I went to the bog for a well earned piss when who walks in, Lawrence. I shook his hand with my piss covered one and we were friends again.

Lawrence in the old days was looked upon as being someone who was smart and had a lot going for him. But as we all grew and expanded our brains Lawrence seemed to get left behind which we can see today. He is just a twat. We all have given him tons of advice about things from financial advice to girls but he never heeds our advice and it always ends in tears.

Lawrence is not gay. “What?” I hear you say. Yes its true I don’t believe Lawrence is gay now. But he may have been. I remember one faithful day in year 6 I do believe we were in Randy’s bedroom a large group of us for such a small room. Anyway Lawrence was in a surprising gay mood and was flashing his dick all over the shop. He was also saying “I might be gay when I’m older”. Then it happened for a small price of about 60p (a lot in those days) an unnameable source touched Lawrence's penis. If you want to know more come and see me. There was also a time in year 8 when he told us that if he was gay he would fancy Chris Shields. Oh dear.

These days I have cut down on the insults not for any reason really mainly only because his face is enough for a good laugh. Also I don’t really need to because everyone does it now. But I’m sure that our good friend Lawrence for many years to come will still be there living in his house with his parents masturbating over “fat man porn” on the net and he shall get fatter and uglier and find new circles of friends to make fun of him. That's the thing you see without Lawrence life would be boring so I take my hat of to that man they call Lawrence Wheeler. As long as he lives you can promise for all eternity I will be there calling him gay.

Cheers Wheeler
Jameson

Other thanks: Neville Wheeler for always trying to stop me bullying your son.
Heather Wheeler for being the smallest woman alive.

Dedicated to Lawrence and his boyfriend to be, Brian on there happy gay day.

Article Written by Jameson
jugsy_the_bugsy@hotmail.com