To keep the numbers of articles up I’m writing again. This time I am going across the English Channel to a place we call France. I have only had the “pleasure” of going to this “wonderful” country once with the school.

We went to Paris to city of crap, I mean love. I can’t remember much because the mind isn't as good as it used to be and I'm sure they put something in those begets. Anyway all I can remember is that we stayed in a nice hotel with many a view. Well a view for everyone else. Everyone else was on the 14th floor or something with a view over the city. Whereas me and Danny G where on the bottom floor looking over the lush and fertile lorry park. But it wasn’t all bad because if you stole the begets (that resembled only rocks) from the canteen you could have many a laugh throwing them at passing French hauliers. We did this in the evening and by morning they had always gone. I also remember those plebs that call themselves “mime artists” I paid them well with sugar cubes (also stolen) and a 10 pence from good old England. I also recall queuing for the Eiffel tower when the hordes of Africans trying to sell you crap came running up. They has these small plastic monkeys in little grass skirts, they ran up and said “look at the monkey the monkey very funny” and before you knew it you had a small plastic nob sticking out from a monkey in a grass skirt. Not nice.

French, the lesson. A dos, a social gathering not any more. All the years I’ve done French I’ve done fuck all. I’ve had many a teacher, Madam Moore the best. She was just so funny and the combination of me and Zagni was deadly. She was very embarrassed many a time. You see she always seems to where clothes that looks like she's made them out of curtains and once she whore something that made her look like a clown and me and Zagni acted like we were at the circus all lesson, ah memories. But now our dos ended, Madam Teste left and we got the whale or Godden. This beast of a lady actually makes you work in French! It’s not on. But I still get round it. Only the other day I was casually sitting in French when Godden started talking about pets, dogs and cats etc. This was my chance a chance for glory and one over on the God. I shouted out the “the good cat” in French which translates “les bien chat”, God exploded and told me to stay behind, minor punishments were awarded. It’s Oral week and already I’ve heard of success with people coming out with lolly pops if they do well. And people not doing so well like this one chap who said nothing through the whole exam. Good luck everyone! But why French I would much rather learn something interesting like Indonesian. But that's not going to happen so I will forget it.

The French people themselves are strange selfish bastards. You ask for five big macs they give you four and ketchup. No seriously if someone came to our country and couldn’t speak much English I would try my beat to speak their language and make allies and cure world hunger. Sorry got carried away. But really the French sit there and go “Err.. Bonjour”. And another thing these bloody French teachers that come walk the corridors speaking in fluent French just to mock your retarded ness at the language. And these bloody people who call themselves Canadians etc but they speak French, why not speak the universal language of English, God damn it! And as for the Americans taking our beautiful language and changing by using words like “like” constantly at stupid times “I’m just going down the shops like, to get some burgers like, to make ourselves fatter like. I’m going to finish this article now because I feel I’m getting carried away. Bastards.

Jameson
@French haters association

Article Written by Jameson
jugsy_the_bugsy@hotmail.com