Throughout the ages, man has needed something to sleep under- whether this be a large leaf or a complex array of woven sheets and polyester. A pointless timeline is needed at this point:

• Millions of years ago
  man was invented. Then a long way nothing, before...
• Thousands of years ago
  man invented geese.
• Hundreds of years ago
  man found that geese, when put between two sheets of cloth, were very warm. Apart from the squawking. So the geese and their feathers were parted. And eaten. Not the feathers, the sweet, sweet meat. (Plus stuffing will get you a nice Christmas Dinner.) Hence the saying, 'Sweet as a goose', which originated in Medieval times.
• Tens of years ago
  Polyester was invented by a bored geeseplucker, promptly losing him his job. He turned to drink after his idea was thieved by Sony, who then turned to making Playstations with the profits made out of their ill-gotten gains.
• Ones of Years ago
  two duvets were put together, making the thousands of workers and people late for work. This led to a decline in the economy,
• The future
  People cannot be bothered to get out of bed to go to work/school/ other random boring shit on Monday mornings, so the stock-markets crash. Evil robots enter and take over the world, enslaving millions to turn them into batteries. Duracell lodges formal complaint, and is also enslaved. The one is found and he is called Neo, which means 'New' in Latin. He saves the world (never saw that one coming, did you?) and everyone starts to sleep properly again.
  
  Go back to Millions of Years ago and repeat.

Anyway, the duvet. Through the miracle of modern science, this is actually two duvets in one. One 12 tog* duvet and one 8 tog duvet. Again, thanks to miracle of modern science, these can be joined together to become one 20 tog duvet with a mysterious substance called Velcro. A join at each corner is enough to make a duvet that will keep you warm even if you're in the arctic. And naked. And without the old 3 bar fire.

Not only this but the duvet seems thicker than most, so you can quite happily shove a couple of pillows under it in the shape of a body, climb out of the window and bugger off somewhere. Like the pub.**

All in all, a good duvet.

Random factor 1: 18/20
Random factor 2: 15/20
Duvetness: 20/20
Warmness: 20/20
The fact that it isn't quite big enough and my feet get cold: 0/20

* tog -> measure of duvet warmth
** If you do go to the pub, never go somewhere that people know you i.e. random drunks teachers in the Black Tiles.