It’s not so exaggerated to think of Texas as a whole other country, 800 miles wide and nearly that far from north to south. Sunny east coast to mile-high mountains; dense forests to cactus-studded desert; great cities and towns.

Visitors to Texas often tell us Texans are friendly. That’s something we have known for a long time. Even the name, Texas, is derived from the Indian word, Tejas, which means friendship. So, when you’re driving down the road and you see a wave, that’s Texan for “Howdy”.

Apparently.

Someone once said to me, “don’t believe everything you read”, infact we’ve all heard that many times before – why believe anything at all? If we didn’t believe anything we’d never understand, and if we never understood we’d never ‘know’, and if you don’t ‘know’ then you’ll never have any peace in life and the day you die will be the best day of your life, ironically. I don’t think you have to be right to understand, as long as they’re isn’t someone there to ruin it for you, but there often is.

I’m that person.

I believe that the description of the dearly beloved state of Texas is not only fallibly false, but overwhelmingly misleading, if you’ve ever thought about visiting Texas, or infact if you’ve ever read the word Texas then I suggest you read on, or you’ll never know what happens next, as is often the way with reading, which is probably why so many people would rather watch TV.

Firstly, they say “Howdy”, this stopped being acceptable around 1624, and today, they still insist in calling it a “part of who we are”, despite it being a despairingly annoying word that has more comedy value than we’ll ever let them know. Then there’s the fact that Texas is one of the very few states in the U.S that still has public executions, I don’t have the initiative to research whether or not it is the only one, but whilst this sounds like a plus point there are negative correlations surrounding the area:

1.) People get killed in public

well that’s it. It’s shockingly unnecessary and I’m willing to bet that it only carries on today because it’s “part of who we are”, and also George Bush had the makings of a great dictator, until he choose America over his home state and sold his soul to the russians. Sure Texas is 800 miles wide, 700 miles too wide, half of it is vast nothingness with the occasional fabled “cactus” that local village idiots rave about every night to little kids, who just want to sleep because they’re scared. True Story.

In every film I have ever seen involving Texas, including Thelma & Louise (even if that wasn’t set in Texas), it has been portrayed as nothing more than a state full of Americans. There is no diverse culture, or mingling European tourists, there are no Japanese people with sony camcorders, nothing… they have nothing to even suggest to me they’re worthy of being on this planet. If it wasn’t for the Buddy Holly statue – I wouldn’t even give them the honour of a review.

But anyway, who I am to criticise a place I have never been to.

Landscapes: 2/20
Locals: 0/20
Beverage Holders: 2/20
Letters in name: 5/20
Romanticism: 0/20

9%
”I wouldn’t even give them the honour of a review”

Article Written by Jay
jay@theonlinenet.co.uk